89 definitions by Uncle Joosie

Timmy's butthole was feeling quite itchy and aggravated when he woke up on Sunday. He turned to wife Sally and said "ugh I have Lurking Piles from all that pizza we ate this weekend; hoping those 'roids drop soon so I can get over it"

after CNN reported that Rand Paul got diagnosed with COVID-19 Herb asked Alexa to play "Karma Chameleon." Herb exclaimed "that's some serious Karmacorona happening right now!" as Boy George sang.

in recent testimony, Brett said he was super sure he's never sexually assaulted anyone and started phony kavanaugh tears when realizing his dream to get on the supreme court was going down the shitter.

Jane attended virtual staff meeting on Zoom and noticed a strange action happening in one of the boxes. Just then she spotted Jeffrey Toobin massaging his trouser snake and was about to reach climax. "OMFG did you see that?" she texted her work pal. "We just got Me Toobin'ed! Gross!"

Fat Orange Nixon slowly listed off a group of GOP complicit traitors attending a recent meeting and mangled First Lady Mike Pence's name. "Chuck Grassley was there; Joni Ernst and John Thune; and Mike Pounds. Just a whole group of great people."

An extreme-conspiracy nutbag-fuckface stood up at "Save 'Murrica Cuz Jesus" conference with Mike "Misha" Flynn to ask a very dopey question. "Why can't what's happening in Minnamar happen here?" Misha replied, "no reason. it should." since FBI agents were monitoring the event they took notes and laughed their asses off.

Diane was pissed after hunky Charley matched with her on Tinder only to find he was gone. “that cunt instaghosted me!” she yelled to her roommate