1 definition by Spencer Phillips
1) A way to prevent yourself from drowning, at least until the shark gets you.
2) A sport that gets guys ripped, girls fit, and both tan, it's the sexiest sport around. In addition, it's really easy to use as a metaphor for sex. Downsides: looking great, having too many people want to screw you, too loud of a crowd, all the groupies... Real Downsides: If you're a guy, it looks almost as gay as water polo. Try not to get an erection the speedo doesn't really hide much, including how big you are... You have to be in the water by 5 a.m. during season. Like drowning, it takes a LOT of energy. If you don't use lotion, you will get sunburned until you get tanned, also you might have cancer. It damages your hair, which oddly enough makes it look thick and awesome and sunbleached for guys, but girls might not like what happens to them. Unless you lose yourself, it can be really really boring because you just go there and back again, the trick is losing yourself in other stuff, not thinking, or thinking about how the water feels and if your stroke can be improved. This is similar to what you do in other sports, which are after all basically moving from point to point; what matters in any sport is not what you're doing, it's how you do it.
3) One of the only two sports that get girls wet and half-naked.
2) A sport that gets guys ripped, girls fit, and both tan, it's the sexiest sport around. In addition, it's really easy to use as a metaphor for sex. Downsides: looking great, having too many people want to screw you, too loud of a crowd, all the groupies... Real Downsides: If you're a guy, it looks almost as gay as water polo. Try not to get an erection the speedo doesn't really hide much, including how big you are... You have to be in the water by 5 a.m. during season. Like drowning, it takes a LOT of energy. If you don't use lotion, you will get sunburned until you get tanned, also you might have cancer. It damages your hair, which oddly enough makes it look thick and awesome and sunbleached for guys, but girls might not like what happens to them. Unless you lose yourself, it can be really really boring because you just go there and back again, the trick is losing yourself in other stuff, not thinking, or thinking about how the water feels and if your stroke can be improved. This is similar to what you do in other sports, which are after all basically moving from point to point; what matters in any sport is not what you're doing, it's how you do it.
3) One of the only two sports that get girls wet and half-naked.
1) {Theme music from Jaws can be heard, a buoy bobs in center-field.}
{enter head surrounded by white splashes} "This is the second to last buoy! One more and I can go home knowing I've strengthened my body and helped myself live a few more years," thinks the swimmer.
{Enter a grey fin cutting through the water behind the swimmer} "I sense a disturbance in the Force!" the shark metaphorically thinks, "I must devour the delicious seal and maintain the balance of nature!" {Chomp. Blood. Foam.} "FUCK!" screams the swimmer, "THE FUCKING SHARK BIT OFF MY LEGS! FUCK YOU NATURE!" {drowns}
"Damn that seal tasted fucking disgusting, too much irony methinks." the shark thinks.
2) {The setting is a pool surrounded by greyish concrete, inside is around a hundred swimmers, going back and forth, back and forth, mindlessly, while a coach sits there, bored but alert.} "Damn this shit is getting old, it's all the same: back and forth, do those fucking flip turns at each end which gets water in my goggles and up my nose. Swerve into the lane-lines on backstroke, hit other people with butterfly, barely move with breaststroke, and be held back by the lazy assholes in front of me when I do freestyle," one thinks to himself, "But hey, look, I'm ripped and tan and I have pretty awesome hair {admires self}. And by Damn are those chicks hot, all tan and wet and... DAMN!"
3) Go to a pool when people are swimming or playing water polo, as long as there are girls. Sit, watch, take pictures.
{enter head surrounded by white splashes} "This is the second to last buoy! One more and I can go home knowing I've strengthened my body and helped myself live a few more years," thinks the swimmer.
{Enter a grey fin cutting through the water behind the swimmer} "I sense a disturbance in the Force!" the shark metaphorically thinks, "I must devour the delicious seal and maintain the balance of nature!" {Chomp. Blood. Foam.} "FUCK!" screams the swimmer, "THE FUCKING SHARK BIT OFF MY LEGS! FUCK YOU NATURE!" {drowns}
"Damn that seal tasted fucking disgusting, too much irony methinks." the shark thinks.
2) {The setting is a pool surrounded by greyish concrete, inside is around a hundred swimmers, going back and forth, back and forth, mindlessly, while a coach sits there, bored but alert.} "Damn this shit is getting old, it's all the same: back and forth, do those fucking flip turns at each end which gets water in my goggles and up my nose. Swerve into the lane-lines on backstroke, hit other people with butterfly, barely move with breaststroke, and be held back by the lazy assholes in front of me when I do freestyle," one thinks to himself, "But hey, look, I'm ripped and tan and I have pretty awesome hair {admires self}. And by Damn are those chicks hot, all tan and wet and... DAMN!"
3) Go to a pool when people are swimming or playing water polo, as long as there are girls. Sit, watch, take pictures.
by Spencer Phillips May 7, 2011