3 definitions by Schuyler The Cat
Any of the type of disturbing, threatening, or grossly uncomfortable phone calls which leaves the recipient of said call feeling like they were just gang raped by a room full of meth-addicted menopausal yetis.
AN EXAMPLE OF TELECOMMUTILATION
*Ring*
YOU: "Hello?"
HER: "Andy, it's Felicity."
YOU: "What's up?"
HER: "Remember you stood me up last Thursday? Remember that guy I introduced you to, the big guy, MMA fighter, Dirk Rockhard? He's my boyfriend now and he said to tell you he's going to rip your fucking spleen out through your asshole."
You: "..."
*Ring*
YOU: "Hello?"
HER: "Andy, it's Felicity."
YOU: "What's up?"
HER: "Remember you stood me up last Thursday? Remember that guy I introduced you to, the big guy, MMA fighter, Dirk Rockhard? He's my boyfriend now and he said to tell you he's going to rip your fucking spleen out through your asshole."
You: "..."
by Schuyler The Cat August 17, 2011
Verb; An intentionally ambiguous term implying an unknown or unforeseen threat, promise, or praise; spoken in a spirit of complete and purposeful ambivalence which will leave the implied act completely to the imagination.
1.) As a threat: "Do that again, dude, and I swear I will soul patch your ass."
2.) As a vague, neutral comment or invitation: "Want to soul patch later?"
3.) As a prop: "dude, that was soul patch!"
Note: this term is best used with completely mixed emotional overtones, all the better to confuse the intended audience. For Instance, use example 2 in the same tone you would say example 1. Better: example 1 in the tone of example 3. Hilarity ensues, guaranteed.
2.) As a vague, neutral comment or invitation: "Want to soul patch later?"
3.) As a prop: "dude, that was soul patch!"
Note: this term is best used with completely mixed emotional overtones, all the better to confuse the intended audience. For Instance, use example 2 in the same tone you would say example 1. Better: example 1 in the tone of example 3. Hilarity ensues, guaranteed.
by Schuyler The Cat August 17, 2011
An uncomfortable event wherein a bro who is in possession of significant religious beliefs commences to incant a prayer (I.E. saying grace at the table, or offering succor to another bro in the hospital after a terrible monster truck accident) in the presence of one or more overwhelmingly non-religious bros. Regardless of belief systems of those present, it is inappropriate for true bros to interrupt a bro giving an inbrocation, unless a hot chick in a bikini walks by, or a bro opening a craft beer needs to ask the location a bottle opener.
"Went to Andy's place for Thanksgiving. Dude gave a SICK inbrocation. Uncomfortable, truly. His mom is smokin', though."
by Schuyler The Cat August 17, 2011