14 definitions by Nigel Fleming

The act of masterbating in secret without anybody noticing. Usually done behind a bush or whilst peering through a gap in the blinds, looking directly at the subject of your filthy attention. A real art when perfected.

The act of expelling a shit early, before it is naturally ready to be given birth to. Such an act results in excrutiating pain and usually an increase in blood pressure, rather than the euphoric sensation experienced when dropping a turd as nature planned.

A particularlt revolting smell expelled from your anus that has the aroma of a rotten, dying egg.

A lady of the night who will perform any sordid act for the meagre price of a tuppeny bit( Old British coin). These women roamed the streets around the start of the 20th century, waiting for men to cross their filthy palms with the modern day equivalent of the price of a cup of coffee. Very skanky ladies indeed.

An especially annoying piece of faecal matter that will try its damndest to stay in your anus, as if clinging on to life itself. Blood vesels may be burst trying to shift one of these bastards, be careful!

Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.

The Irish version of bored. Used by hill billy locals in back street, one pony towns to try to sound intelligent.