703 definitions by Monkey's Dad
"The dog needs to go out, right away" she said, as he was balancing on the top of rung the ladder, not only changing the bulb but cradling the fragile glass globe. "And please take the towels out of the dryer, before they start to smell moldy."
"I can't do two things at once" he replied, but she could not hear him, polishing her nails, talking to her mother on the phone and finalizing the Etsy order for Kleenex box holders, reminding him... "I need you to tell me which of these patterns you prefer".
"I can't do two things at once" he replied, but she could not hear him, polishing her nails, talking to her mother on the phone and finalizing the Etsy order for Kleenex box holders, reminding him... "I need you to tell me which of these patterns you prefer".
by Monkey's Dad August 30, 2023
Faced with the staggering number of American school children and other innocent victims killed by unstable men with military-style assault rifles, reassured yet again that background checks and licensing would not in any way threaten his right to gun ownership, that no one proposed to take away his firearms, he planted his feet, growling his modified NRA non-sequitur, "I'll give up my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead heart."
by Monkey's Dad April 1, 2021
Trump's claim about the size of his vocabulary. Yet his single, timeworn defense is that he was misunderstood: "Fight like hell!" does not mean fight like hell, and "Grab 'em by the pussy" does not mean grab 'em by the pussy, and "Beat the crap outta him, will ya?" does not mean... well, we understand how hard the language can be when you've had to pay someone to take the SATs for you.
by Monkey's Dad February 16, 2021
What Trump insisted he knows, yet his single, timeworn defense is that what he said is not what he meant.
"I'm, like, very smart", Trump said. "I know all the best words." And year upon year, his attorneys, press secretaries, mouthpieces of every ilk, repeated "That's not what he meant. You are looking at that statement from the wrong side. He was joking. What he really meant to say..."
by Monkey's Dad February 13, 2021
Watching the growth of COVID-19 move exponentially, with nothing on the horizon to reverse the trend, the doctor feared that infections would soon be measured by the gigabug.
by Monkey's Dad March 29, 2020
Quietly spoken in the NYC headquarters of Fox News, a not-quite-affectionate nickname for Tucker Carlson.
by Monkey's Dad July 12, 2020
The bizarre idea that a democratically conducted election can be undone because the loser is unhappy.
Having lost the 2020 presidential election to Biden, judged the loser by every standard, Trump entered a state of delusory denial. Ignoring the stunning fact that more than 3,000 Americans a day were dying of Covid, that hospitals were unable to meet demands for basic care, that many places had no available ICU beds, that millions were facing poverty, hunger and eviction, having been smacked down and laughed off by every court to which he took his tantrum, his sole focus was still on trying to overturn the election.
by Monkey's Dad December 24, 2020