13 definitions by Mai Ainsel
The alter ego responsible for anything bad you were caught doing. Originally a meme based on a Tumblr user that claimed "Eminem isn't violent, Slim Shady is," and the response "im robbing a bank tomorrow and when the cops come for me imma tell them it was my alter ego countess boochie flagrante," it is now used for any time someone tries a "that isn't really who I am" excuse.
Person: "I'm sorry about that videoed incident of me screaming racial slurs at minorities! I just want you to know, that does not represent the sort of person I am."
Everyone Else: "Yeah, sure - it wasn't you, it was your alter ego, Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry I fucked your husband and then, when when the affair became public, spread terrible rumors about you so that I'd look like less of a homewrecker. I want you to know, that's not who I really am."
Wife: "Ah yes! You didn't tell the neighborhood I was a bipolar valium addict, it was your famous alter-ego Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry for embezzling from that children's charity! That's not who I really am!"
Everyone Else: "Countess Boochie Flagrante strikes again!"
Everyone Else: "Yeah, sure - it wasn't you, it was your alter ego, Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry I fucked your husband and then, when when the affair became public, spread terrible rumors about you so that I'd look like less of a homewrecker. I want you to know, that's not who I really am."
Wife: "Ah yes! You didn't tell the neighborhood I was a bipolar valium addict, it was your famous alter-ego Countess Boochie Flagrante."
Person: "I'm sorry for embezzling from that children's charity! That's not who I really am!"
Everyone Else: "Countess Boochie Flagrante strikes again!"
by Mai Ainsel November 06, 2019
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A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a woman lets her own sexual interest in someone strongly color her judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in her. It makes her interpret every gesture from her object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as dickful thinking if it's a man.
Her: "So my one night stand from 3 weeks ago hasn't called me, even though I gave him my number and my email. He didn't give me his real name or contact info, but he mentioned he was a professor, so I looked through the online faculty profiles of every university in 100 miles, and found his picture. I think he'd like to see me again but just lost my contact info. Should I email him at the work address I found on the faculty website, or just show up and surprise him after one of his classes? I think he'd like being surprised like that."
Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."
Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."
Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."
Friend: "No he wouldn't. That's a bunch of clitful thinking there - let it go."
Her: "Suzy hugged me last week, so she's definitely into me. Her husband isn't at the party, so I think I should try and make out with her."
Friend: "That's clitful thinking. She's not hitting on you."
by Mai Ainsel February 05, 2020
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A woman that a man gets into a relationship with primarily so she'll watch his kids from another relationship
Her: "Sorry, we have to cancel girls night. I forgot that Boyfriend has custody of his kids tonight and so I have to make them dinner, help them with their homework, and prepare their school lunch for tomorrow."
Friend: "Girl, he's using you as a bang nanny! DTMFA."
Friend: "Girl, he's using you as a bang nanny! DTMFA."
by Mai Ainsel October 21, 2019
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A publicly devout man or woman who uses their pious reputation to aid in cheating on their partners. Can be either using the excuse of church activities or "ministering" to folk as a cover for their trysts, or making ostentatious public displays of religious contrition to rehabilitate their image after being caught.
Sue: "Wow, Bob's really involved in the Church Choir."
Sam: "Involved with 3 separate women in the choir while his wife watches the kids at home is more like it - he's such a Jesus Cheater."
OR
Sally: "After much prayer, I know that God has forgiven me for my mistakes. I'll pray that he helps you open your heart to his will and find forgiveness as well."
Sally's Husband: "Don't try that Jesus Cheater shit on me! You've been fucking that douche Bob from choir - we're getting a divorce!"
Sam: "Involved with 3 separate women in the choir while his wife watches the kids at home is more like it - he's such a Jesus Cheater."
OR
Sally: "After much prayer, I know that God has forgiven me for my mistakes. I'll pray that he helps you open your heart to his will and find forgiveness as well."
Sally's Husband: "Don't try that Jesus Cheater shit on me! You've been fucking that douche Bob from choir - we're getting a divorce!"
by Mai Ainsel July 25, 2021
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A pun on "wishful thinking," it's when a man lets his own sexual interest in someone strongly color his judgement regarding the person's reciprocal interest in him. It makes him interpret every gesture from his object of interest as a come on, even when it clearly isn't. This is known as clitful thinking if it's a woman.
Him: "So the new hot intern says 'good morning' to me when she comes in to work, and once commented on my desk picture of my kids - said they were cute. She's totally into me. I'm gonna try and hook up with her at the office party."
Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."
OR
Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."
Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."
Friend: "I get that it's been tough for your after the divorce, but that's just dickful thinking. She's not into you, now stop before you get an HR complaint."
OR
Him: "Pete high-fived me at the trivia night - I'll bet he's secretly gay and would let me blow him."
Friend: "You have no gaydar and a bad case of dickful thinking. The boy's straight."
by Mai Ainsel February 23, 2020
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Bob: "We better get out of here before the teacher catches us."
Joe: "Whomst?"
Bob: "You're right, who gives a shit?"
Suzy: "Oh look, Jane, your ex-boyfriend's at the club as well."
Jane: "Whomst?"
Suzy: "Hell yeah, girl! To hell with him."
Joe: "Whomst?"
Bob: "You're right, who gives a shit?"
Suzy: "Oh look, Jane, your ex-boyfriend's at the club as well."
Jane: "Whomst?"
Suzy: "Hell yeah, girl! To hell with him."
by Mai Ainsel December 17, 2020
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