49 definitions by Lârry Dângüs, esq.

The free rental is a scam which makes use of the loose return policies of corporate retail entities.

While many people complain about the presence of monolithic turd factories such as Wal-Mart in their otherwise decent neighborhoods, they often fail to realize that these establishments can also be quite useful in certain situations.

To get a free rental, simply save your receipt after making any non-perishable item purchase from a retail giant. Make note of the time frame within which you are allowed to enjoy your purchase (this information is usually printed on your receipt) and then take it back for a cash refund prior to the expiration for that time period.

For example, the time limit for returns at Wal-Mart is 90 days, so one must return the item within that time to successfully complete the free rental.

It is also noteworthy that while Wal-Mart WILL accept returns without a receipt, the purchaser must allow their state-issued identification to be photocopied when this transaction takes place. Wal-Mart's corporate policy currently dictates that a maximum of 3 of these receipt-less transactions be allowed per person each year. Of course, this policy can easily be bypassed by any person who has access to fraudulent forms of identification, and/or a borrowed ID.

The most special of all lady parts. The front hole.

A rather harsh-sounding but anatomically accurate term for the female sex organ.

An allegedly humorous declaration one might use in response to being questioned as to the accuracy of their information and/or its source. It is a reference to the phrase don't tase me, bro, as well as the snopes website.

Don't believe everything you read on Snopes, bro...especially if it's about the activities of the CIA, the events of 9/11 or any sexually perverted acts performed by the band 311; they really do rape babies while wearing horse masks. However, if you are trying to discover the truth behind some ridiculous urban legend, such as Rod Stewart drinking gallons of semen or Richard Gere taking a panicky trip to the ER after shoving gerbils up his booty hole, snopes can actually be a semi-decent reference tool. Remember: the less important the information you seek, the less likely snopes will lie to you about it.

An incident which involves multiple frapists attacking a single Facebook account simultaneously. Gang frapes most notoriously occur when a 4chan user posts an announcement on /b/ that they have hacked the Facebook account of some person (most often a female) for whom they feel some form of displeasure.

The person posting will also encourage other users to join in on the attack, which inevitably leads to n00bs with un-stealthy tactics ruining the lulz for everyone by making it too obvious to casual observers what is actually happening. This is why gang frapes are innately fraught with fail.

A proper frape is carried out by an individual rather than a group, so that a more surgical (and therefore lulzy) strike can take place.

Code word for Xanax.

This term refers to a gratuitous back-handed pop in the testicles, as delivered by Ashley Schaeffer to Kenny Powers in the HBO series Eastbound and Down.

It is ordinarily considered bad form to give an ashley schaeffer under most circumstances, however, this rule tends to loosen when excessive amounts of alcohol are added to the equation. It is often hypothesized that male drinking buddies who regularly execute the ashley schaeffer may suffer from unrequited homosexual desires. Either that, or they just have a really sadistic sense of humor. Either way, the ashley schaeffer is rarely funny to the recipient.