1 definition by Hannah the existing enthusiast
A crossover SUV, crossover, or "SUV coupe" is basically a normal SUV with less storage space, headroom, and seats that's trying to be more "sporty" but failing miserably. Some could also be described as a hatchback or estate/station wagon that's been lifted and made to look bigger while adding a sloping roof, making it in fact smaller on the inside.
Crossovers usually have the features of virtually no offroad capability, a high centre of gravity, more weight than a normal car, worse fuel economy than they'd have if they were lower (i.e. if they were a wagon or a hatchback), a higher price, and fucking hideous appearances.
Crossovers tend to be driven by:
-people with weird taste
-people with vision impairment
-people who easily fall victim to the seductive whisperings of car salespeople
-soccer moms
-people who think they're better than everyone and thus need to sit high up, no matter the cost
-people who have a large disposable income and so little interest in what car they drive that their sheer lack of taste is perceptible to the naked eye
-Americans
-mindless trend-followers
-people with 2 children who couldn't possibly fit in the back of a normal car, SUV, or minivan with the same amount of or more seats and more rear headroom
Crossovers usually have the features of virtually no offroad capability, a high centre of gravity, more weight than a normal car, worse fuel economy than they'd have if they were lower (i.e. if they were a wagon or a hatchback), a higher price, and fucking hideous appearances.
Crossovers tend to be driven by:
-people with weird taste
-people with vision impairment
-people who easily fall victim to the seductive whisperings of car salespeople
-soccer moms
-people who think they're better than everyone and thus need to sit high up, no matter the cost
-people who have a large disposable income and so little interest in what car they drive that their sheer lack of taste is perceptible to the naked eye
-Americans
-mindless trend-followers
-people with 2 children who couldn't possibly fit in the back of a normal car, SUV, or minivan with the same amount of or more seats and more rear headroom
Person 1: *looks out the window*
Person 1: *throws up*
Person 2: Why is Person 1 throwing up?
Person 3: She saw a 2015 Mercedes GLE Coupe driving past. Y'know, the crossover SUV?
Person 2: Ah, understandable. It's sad really, how people can't think for themselves and mindlessly buy what's being marketed to them as "better" when in actuality it's much worse, both practically and visually. Also how that is having the effect of car companies making more and more of them, polluting the landscape of our crumbling modern world with these monstrosities. And they're making less of the actually good ones for people who like cars, or who just want something decent to drive about in.
Person 1: Anyway, shall we get going?
Person 3: Yes, let us get into Person 1's 1997 Volvo 850 T-5R Estate with 7 seats, enough storage space for twelve and a half dead bodies, a top speed of 245 km/h, better fuel economy than a 2013 BMW X6 xDrive35i, and gorgeous looks, that has not once fallen over whilst swerving to avoid a deer or small child. And next, if I would be so bold as to suggest it, allow us to drive it downtown, permitting the maze of SUVs and half-SUVs doesn't block the view so much so that we no longer behold the privilege of gazing upon the direction in which we are headed without visual impediment.
Person 1: Yes, let's do that.
Person 1: *throws up*
Person 2: Why is Person 1 throwing up?
Person 3: She saw a 2015 Mercedes GLE Coupe driving past. Y'know, the crossover SUV?
Person 2: Ah, understandable. It's sad really, how people can't think for themselves and mindlessly buy what's being marketed to them as "better" when in actuality it's much worse, both practically and visually. Also how that is having the effect of car companies making more and more of them, polluting the landscape of our crumbling modern world with these monstrosities. And they're making less of the actually good ones for people who like cars, or who just want something decent to drive about in.
Person 1: Anyway, shall we get going?
Person 3: Yes, let us get into Person 1's 1997 Volvo 850 T-5R Estate with 7 seats, enough storage space for twelve and a half dead bodies, a top speed of 245 km/h, better fuel economy than a 2013 BMW X6 xDrive35i, and gorgeous looks, that has not once fallen over whilst swerving to avoid a deer or small child. And next, if I would be so bold as to suggest it, allow us to drive it downtown, permitting the maze of SUVs and half-SUVs doesn't block the view so much so that we no longer behold the privilege of gazing upon the direction in which we are headed without visual impediment.
Person 1: Yes, let's do that.
by Hannah the existing enthusiast June 18, 2020