1 definition by CynicalWallflower

Top Definition
If you go to New Paltz High School you are one or more of the following:

-a ridiculous perfectionist (I know twelve girls off the top of my head who are in 5 clubs and taking 4 AP classes)
-a burnt out pothead (Yes, burned out before graduation. Kids smoke up before school, in school, and after school with our teachers. You'd be smoked out too)
-in hiding (If you want to survive, you hide)
-"ghetto" (Your skin may be black, and sure, you wear Baby Phat but let's face it... YOU LIVE IN NEW PALTZ)

The rules in NPHS are a joke. It's basically, don't piss people off and you can do whatever the hell you please. I skip most classes and just go into the study halls or leave campus, and most others do the same. You can get away with this because the Assistant Principal spends all his time caressing a motherfucking banana and the hall monitors throng outside the gym and gossip.

Most of the teachers realize how much of a joke New Paltz High School is and are as apathetic as we are about the whole situation. Here are a few examples of the shit we get though:

English Teacher likes to scream about phallic symbols in Hamlet (there are none, but English Teacher is an excellent demonstration of many of Freud's theories) and SAT words. It's only tenth grade English, but you're a fucking idiot if you don't have 800 of them memorized by now. The best way to deal with her is by participating in a class competition in who can find the most creative way to pretend kill her while her back is turned.

History Teacher loves Maine. Really motherfucking loves it. He loves Maine so much you will know more about how to build houses in Maine at the end of the year than Economics, which the final is on, but the whole grade is based off of favoritism anyway.

French Teacher is a ballerina and ball room dancer and neurotic blonde and would love to shit on whatever homework you give her.

Math Teacher you won't understand. Not because the material is hard. The Integrated Algebra Regents is curved up 40 points so you would need to have Downs Syndrome to flunk it. You won't understand her because even though she's from the USA she has a thick Indian accent. Note how often she asks you to "Take out your cock-a-lators". She knows how this sounds. And the effect it will have on ninth grade boys.

The composition of NPHS is white. Very, very, white. Sure, we have five "ghetto" students. But they're not kidding anyone. The principal still searches and will hire based on race (if you're black you're in) anyway because the five black students we have need to be taught by soley black teachers, apparantly.

To top it all off, our school mascot is a Huguenot that would love to butt rape you.
I go to New Paltz High School, this is how the typical day goes:

7.30: Get to school. Gossip in the halls with your friends (if you're normal-popular) or go joke with your favorite teacher (if you're normal-loser).
8.00: Class. Either fall asleep, take notes, or bolt.
9.15: Next class. Hear some shit about how Krystal just got trashed in the bathroom while going to class. Teacher thinks that your friends and now calls you by a nickname.
11.00: Lunch. You eat underneath a tree if you're emo and talk and make jokes about diahreea. If you're normal or popular you eat at a table and are probably talking about how much work you have and how so and so is a dumb slut.
12.00: Gym. The coach abuses his wife (who blogs about it) and you have trouble keeping yourself from kicking him in the balls everytime you see him.
1.15: More class. By this time you need a break and decide to skip and chill in a study hall. You and your friends will sleep, gossip, and study.
2.15: School lets out, but since everyone is a perfectionist no one fucking leaves. You either go to a club, the library or a sport and spend the next hour and a half mentally committing suicide.
3.15: Late bus home. It is with THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS. For an hour you try to drown out the screams with music you'll hate two months from now.

"Fuck New Paltz High School."
by CynicalWallflower July 16, 2009
Mug icon
Buy a New Paltz High School mug!