Frank Rider's definitions

Crap Shoot

A crap shoot is a view of the future, seeing it as variable and dynamic, and totally unforeseeable. Besides the fact that it is slightly more black than the present.

"What are you doing friday?"

"I don't know. it's a crap shoot."

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

OHSHIT moment

An OHSHIT moment is the instant between the pain and screaming, or the first time you smell Paris Hilton's cooch. (Maybe a mix of both.) Any sort of moment where you are bound to freak out has an OHSHIT, big or small. Here you may yell out a shitplitive, begin to cry, or crap yourself. Or all three.

(An example of an OHSHIT moment)

In Johnny's head-

'OHSHIT, definitely not having kids now.'

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

The Black Rider

This album was the studio version of the music from Tom Waits, Robert Wilson, and William S. Burroughs play; The Black Rider: The Casting of the Magic Bullets. And, it was Waits' twelfth album. It's quite beautiful, and also quite varying. It has some songs that are exciting; like The Black Rider, some that are depressing; like The Last Rose Of Summer, and some that are absolutely weird; like Oily Night. It's guaranteed to give you nightmares and steal your soul, but sorry - no money back.

An excerpt from The Black Rider's-
November

With my hair slicked back
With carrion shellac
With the blood from a pheasant
And the bone from a hare
Tied to the branches
Of a roebuck stag
Left to wave in the timber
Like a buck shot flag

by Frank Rider August 23, 2009

Shitplitive

A shitplitive is an expletive invented in an OHSHIT moment, and can be amazing, but is usually forgotten in the pain or excitment.

"Fuck monkeys on a shit log! That sonafawhore hammer just hit my thumb!"

"Wow John, cool it with the shitplitives."

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

Real Gone

The sixteenth album by "self proclaimed junk-man," Tom Waits, released in 2004. With fifteen full length tracks, and a hidden one, it's a beautiful seventy minutes. The music on the album seems to be a cross between waitsian and mechanical. Metropolitan Glide is one of the odd ones here, it's quite grainy and loud. Dead and Lovely is a sad story of a girl dying because she lied about who she was. Another great is How's It Gonna End, about murder, lies and gossip. Waits is darker than ever, and still just as beautiful.

An excerpt from Real Gone's-
Don't Go Into That Barn

Black cellophane sky at midnite
Big blue moon with three gold rings
I called Champion to the window
And I pointed up above the trees
That's where I heard my name in a scream
Coming from the woods, out there
I let my dog run off the chain
I locked my door real good with a chair

by Frank Rider August 23, 2009

Co Co

A nick name for Conan O'Brien, given to him by Tom Hanks on the Tonight Show.

Conan hates being called Co Co

by Frank Rider August 23, 2009

Closing Time

Closing Time was Tom Waits' debut album, from 1973. It held twelve beautiful tracks, and lasted a great forty-five minutes. Some highlights from the album are Ol' 55, Ice Cream Man, and Grapefruit Moon. The music relies heavily on Waits' exceptional piano-playing skills, and his vocals.

An excerpt from Closing Time's ninth track-
Ice Cream Man

Clickin' by your house about two forty-five
With a sidewalk Sundae Strawberry Surprise,
I got a cherry popsicle right on time
A big stick, mamma, that'll blow your mind

'Cause I'm your ice cream man,
I'm a one-man band (yeah)
I'm your ice cream man, honny,
I'll be good to you.

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009