Frank Rider's definitions

Chee-Who-A-Who-A

A way of pronouncing Chihuahua, reserved for the Chihuahuas owned by fat people, body builders, and gay men.

"Looky there at the Chee-Who-A-Who-A and it's owner...

...I've never seen a person waddle so much like a penguin."

...I've never seen such a big guy and a small dog."

...I've never seen such a bright shirt in public before."

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

Closing Time

Closing Time was Tom Waits' debut album, from 1973. It held twelve beautiful tracks, and lasted a great forty-five minutes. Some highlights from the album are Ol' 55, Ice Cream Man, and Grapefruit Moon. The music relies heavily on Waits' exceptional piano-playing skills, and his vocals.

An excerpt from Closing Time's ninth track-
Ice Cream Man

Clickin' by your house about two forty-five
With a sidewalk Sundae Strawberry Surprise,
I got a cherry popsicle right on time
A big stick, mamma, that'll blow your mind

'Cause I'm your ice cream man,
I'm a one-man band (yeah)
I'm your ice cream man, honny,
I'll be good to you.

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

Crap Shoot

A crap shoot is a view of the future, seeing it as variable and dynamic, and totally unforeseeable. Besides the fact that it is slightly more black than the present.

"What are you doing friday?"

"I don't know. it's a crap shoot."

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

OHSHIT moment

An OHSHIT moment is the instant between the pain and screaming, or the first time you smell Paris Hilton's cooch. (Maybe a mix of both.) Any sort of moment where you are bound to freak out has an OHSHIT, big or small. Here you may yell out a shitplitive, begin to cry, or crap yourself. Or all three.

(An example of an OHSHIT moment)

In Johnny's head-

'OHSHIT, definitely not having kids now.'

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

The Black Rider

This album was the studio version of the music from Tom Waits, Robert Wilson, and William S. Burroughs play; The Black Rider: The Casting of the Magic Bullets. And, it was Waits' twelfth album. It's quite beautiful, and also quite varying. It has some songs that are exciting; like The Black Rider, some that are depressing; like The Last Rose Of Summer, and some that are absolutely weird; like Oily Night. It's guaranteed to give you nightmares and steal your soul, but sorry - no money back.

An excerpt from The Black Rider's-
November

With my hair slicked back
With carrion shellac
With the blood from a pheasant
And the bone from a hare
Tied to the branches
Of a roebuck stag
Left to wave in the timber
Like a buck shot flag

by Frank Rider August 23, 2009

Shitplitive

A shitplitive is an expletive invented in an OHSHIT moment, and can be amazing, but is usually forgotten in the pain or excitment.

"Fuck monkeys on a shit log! That sonafawhore hammer just hit my thumb!"

"Wow John, cool it with the shitplitives."

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009

9th & Hennepin

1. The twelfth song on Tom Waits' '85 album, Rain Dogs. It is a chilling, but beautiful, description of the bad part of town.

2. A street corner, or part of town know for prostitution, drugs, and crime. A hooker here could be called a Hennepin girl. Cops would be crooked, the food rotten, the bars bloodied, and the sky dark.

Well, it's 9th & Hennepin
And all the donuts have
Names that sound like prostitutes
And the moon's teeth marks are
On the sky like a tarp thrown over all this
And the broken umbrellas like
Dead birds and the steam
Comes out of the grill like
The whole goddamned town is ready to blow.

by Frank Rider August 22, 2009