1. A magic
wand used to conjure
buses. You can stand there for an hour waiting for your
bus to come, but as soon as you light up a fag, it will come round the corner, forcing you to put it out.
2. Something that non-smokers
frequently manage to die of cancer without
3. Something for self-righteous but somewhat
to declaim and campaign against without
having to feel like they're going out on a limb.
4. A drug that makes you violent and cuts your
IQ in half, damages your
liver, frequently causes death
on the roads and in homes, destroys careers, lives and families, and costs our country millions every year
in lost productivity from people who are too sick to come in to work
after using too much of it the night
before. Oh no wait, that's beer.