be a redneck if:
You need one more hole punched
card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate
barber before you get a haircut.
The biggest fashion risk you take
is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your
wife weighs more then your
You move your
refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You mow your
lawn and find a car.
You can spit without
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night
involves putting on shoes and a jacket
and grabbing a flashlight.
You go Christmas shopping for your
mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only
need to buy one gift.
a dip has nothing to do with
are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your
a fishing pole to Sea World.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your
deer tag on the golf course.
shot somebody over a mall parking space.
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids
sit in his lap.
toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.
The receptionist checks
the rat traps at your
place of business.
More than one living
relative is named after
a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market
has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
lost a loved one to kudzu.
boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen
used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
home has more miles
on it than your
Christmas tree is still up in February.
You've ever been
arrested for loitering.
You think that potted meat
on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
is a stuffed
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your
front door to make it look nice.
for looking at you.
You own a homemade fur coat.
wife can climb
a tree faster than your
momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've totaled every car you've ever
Hey, it's the truth.