wonderfully delightful little frozen burritos
will you put that chimichanga in the mic for me so i can enjoy its savory splendidness in a little less than a minute? thanks
things that guys like to play with
excuse me, can I touch your boobs?
What kind of moron are you that you look up sex in the urban dictionary?
Looking up sex??? Seriously, get off now before I turn off the internet.
A true hero. A merc who was cursed with terminal cancer he sold his body to the Weapon X proejct so that they could not only save his life but make him a hero. A project failure he was sent to a prison/asylum where he was tortured, he fell inlove with death and eventually escaped but forgot to bring his sanity
Squirrels and coconuts. You spent your whole pathetic life working to whip together this little reunion like a Martha Stewart on acid, figuring to break my spirit... and for a second, it worked... you did it... you had me ready to leap up and impale myself on the nearest circus midget. But then something happened... a synapse fired open and I had what born-agains and alcoholics like to call a 'moment of clarity'. You ever see that old cartoon with the squirrel who's trying to eat a coconut? Chuck Jones, I think... this retarded squirrel finds this coconut and thinks that he's hit the giant acorn motherload- only, he can't crack the nut. It's too hard. So he gets a jackhammer, he throws it down stairs, runs it over with a truck... nothing. Finally, he pushes this monster up a gazillion stairs all the way to the top of the Empire State Building, and heaves it. Crack. Slowly, the shell peels back... and you know what's inside? Another coconut shell. That squirrel is in cartoon hell. That squirrel is me. Every time I get a shot at saving the world, or doing right or waving the truth and justice flag instead of gutting a guy, I do it... and every time, I get the shaft for my trouble. Everytime, there's another coconut shell I gotta crack. But just like that retarded squirrel... in another month or so, the cartoon reruns, and I try again. You did mess up my head by showing me what a dirtbag I've been in my lifetime... but that doesn't change the fact that I still try to be better. I'm giving it a shot. At the end of the day, I'm winning- and I wouldn't have things any different. Except for you, Mercedes... and you only... what happened with you... that wasn't right. For that, I will always be sorry. I will always have a big fat hole in my soul. I know that doesn't make it any better... but I hope you understand: the me that is me now had to make big mistakes to make small progress. When you've lived a life like mine... the small victories are the ones that count. Just remember, when you're looking back in anger at this moment... you've got a second shot here, angel... use it. Don't end up like T-Ray and me. As for the rest of you.... ahem... I WOULDN'T APOLOGIZE TO YOU IF YOU THREATENED TO CONSIGN ME TO SPEND ALL ETERNITY SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE SAUCE AND TRAPPED IN A ROSEANNE BARR/STAR JONES SANDWICH! I'M GLAD YOU'RE DEAD! IF I COULD, I'D KILL YOU AGAIN! THEN I'D GO BACK IN TIME AND IMPREGNATE YOUR MOTHERS TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE BORN... AND I'D KILL YOU AGAIN! SO IF YOU WANT ME TO TURN INTO SOME SORT OF BLEEDING HEART AND WEEP OUT AN APOLOGY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RIP IT OUT OF ME!!"- Deadpool