1. A competitive athletic event. 2. An excuse for extremely moronic men who consider themselves to be alpha males to make gorilla's look sophisticated in comparison. 3. Something that parents use to destroy a child's self esteem by denying their desire to develop their own talents. 4. I am and always have been an athlete so spare me your dime-store divination. 5. An agreed upon activity whereby a certain group of men can convince themselves that they are doing something that others are too afraid to do, when in reality those others in question are stealing their wives from under their cheap yellowing sneakers.
It's a good thing we're playing sports, Biff, otherwise given 5 minutes everybody would figure out that I can't read or write my own name.
"Dad! Dad! Dad! The teacher told me that my reseach paper was worthy of graduate students and she's going to send me to the best university in the galaxy! And she's going to pay for it!!"..."Sorry son, you missed baseball practice. If you don't have time for baseball practice how can you be a big ole high faluttin fancy pants writer man?"
"Hey Jim! Let's go down to the sports bar where us and the rest'a the guys can clog our hearts with hot wings and ranch dresing, getting even more morbidly obese while vicariously living out our failed dreams through people who would spit on us given the chance, all the while destroying what tiny amounts of braincells we have left with Pabst Blue Ribbon!"
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