How to be Scene for Dummies
Scene is a group of people like Goths, Punks, Preps, and Jocks; it’s just another trend. Scene kids are the new cliché, abstract style that adults can’t understand. Boys wearing girls jeans, makeup, and pink shirts. Today, scene is all about the way you look, it’s not about the music or the history behind this style. The only thing youth are concerned with is the way they look and if they fit in. Apparently it’s the new cool thing to do. So if you are not yet scene and would like to become it, I have compiled some steps that need to be taken to become as awesome as possible.
1. First things first: hair. Hair is what makes a scene kid scene. One can have all other elements, but lacking trendy hair will get you nowhere in the scene. Typical scene hair is self cut and black. Black because the unskilled hand cannot manage any other colours without it turning out horrible. So if an individual is untrained in the hair dying department black is his or her colour. Scene hair must be quite long, especially in the front. If you’re unattractive don’t fret, scene hair will cover up the majority of your face, so nobody can really tell what that person really looks like. Scene girls and boys can follow the same directions of cutting hair, the more gender confusing the better. Now acquire some scissors, and begin cutting off random chunks of hair to get that choppy scene look. Whatever you do, do not cut the front short, this is where much scene credit* comes from.
For the highest scene credit on hair one would likely need to be talented or have some money. This will enable them to have different colours in his or her hair. Of course, these colours cannot match or be organized, they must be random chunks of different colour here and there; the more random the better. It takes a lot of bleach to get white hair, and this will earn you lots of scene points*. Not to mention one with white hair may also be a bit more unique among your fashion core* friends. Hair must be straightened at all times, loaded with product and teased until it looks like you just got out of bed. Once you have perfected the art of scene hair, it’s all downhill from there.
2. Next, the scene look is incomplete without the appropriate clothing. Clothes are what makes scene boys and girls look so much alike. One will be officially scene if there is doubt of his or her gender. First off, find a thrift store filled with vintage clothing that will need altering in order to fit. Don’t get me wrong, you can have all the money in the world, but all scene kids need some real vintage. Of course one could always spend a lot of money for vintage looking clothing, this is up to personal preference though. To look the most scene possible there are different looks to go for whether you are a boy or a girl… That was a lie. Scene boys and girls dress the same, here are some tips to follow.
Starting at the top, it is considered scene to have a tacky bandana wrapped around your neck. Make sure your bandana is loose enough so that if in need of throwing down* it can easily be pulled over the face so that nobody knows who that lame kid throwing down is.
Moving on, it is extremely trendy to own t-shirts with silly prints on them; D.A.R.E** shirts are very popular amongst scenesters. Shirts containing childhood cartoons are plus 5 scene points, t-shirts that look like they’re from the children’s section are plus 10 scene points, and band t-shirts are plus 100 scene points. Band t-shirts are ever so popular because the person wearing it looks like they might be music savvy.
A fashion core kid sans belt is like a chicken without feathers. Belts are easy, anything is a go. Brightly coloured belts will help you look original and studded ones so you look more sweet. To up the scene you can always wear two belts at once.
Guys and girls both must have trendy underwear; and the answer to your question is yes, people will see your underwear and judge you on it. Girls and guys alike should choose boxer briefs, it’ll make you look like you don’t give a damn, and that’s so scene to do. It also adds to the gender confusing part of the scene-look.
Pants are nearly top priority, and remember boys, it’s all girls section for you. Because tapered jeans aren’t in anymore, one will need to find some extremely tight pants with a bit of flare. Just be sure to know someone who can sew, so they can taper the pants for you. Be sure to taper them so it’s difficult to get your feet through, the tighter the better. Also, be sure not to go in public with flares on those jeans, that’s minus 50 scene points.
Socks are free range, go crazy.
Lastly, shoes are what makes a person. There are no running shoes allowed. One must find the most damaging shoes possible. Shoes with extremely flat soles are needed so that the arches of your feet collapse by the time you’re twenty. Vans slip-ons are a perfect example of scene shoes. Fortunately they come in so many different colours you may only see between five and ten other fashion core kids wearing the same shoes. They come in multicoloured checkers, stripes, plaid, solid colours, and even random drawings of planes or skulls. There is also Converse, no matter what the colour, these are sure to boost your scene points. Don’t worry, these will wreck feet equally as much as Vans. For extra scene points, own 3 of each pair.
Now that you’re ready to have clothes for the part, follow these next steps to bring your face up to par.
3. Makeup and piercing.
Again, coming back to the gender confusing part, boys and girls should wear equal amounts of makeup. Preferably something black or red around the eyes that make you look like you have an eye disease or have been recently punched. It is trendy for girls to wear insanely bright eye makeup as well, such as teal, yellow, and fuchsia.
Piercing: the reason so many scene kids are dead broke. In order to be seen as scene one must take pride in the fact they’d rather have metal in their face than have a job. Whether it’s snakebites*, septum*, stretched ear lobes, bridge*, or anti eyebrow*, if you have them that’s plus 1000 scene points.
P.S. The gauge of you earlobes determine how cool someone is, the bigger the better.
4. Don’t forget a personality. A scene kids personality is just like the personality of any other scene kid. That is why fashion core kids group together and get along so well. Not to mention they only hang out with their own type, no outsiders with baggy pants are ever allowed in on the scene group.
In order to act scene one must be completely closed minded to anyone who looks different than them. A scenester must be over-the-top conceited but be able to pretend to hate the way they look. One of these individuals must be a self-indulgent asshole and use phrases like “I’m so cool.” “I’m scener than you.” “I totally need a cancer stick* right now” “Let me check my myspace* before the show.”
In order to gain large amounts of scene points you must make fun of anyone that does fit into the scene kids image of perfect. One must also openly make remarks on how lame scene kids are, this makes a scene kid look so ultimately cool in front of his or her fellow scenesters.
Next, one must proceed to take copious amounts of pictures of oneself from really awkward angles and upload them all over the internet. If you do not yet have a myspace account, you better get on that. Don’t forget to make yourself look as scene as possible before commencing picture taking. Also, for extra scene points, take pictures that include:
a. Covering your mouth and making an “Uh-Oh” face.
b. Making the peace sign with your fingers and smiling really big to make yourself look asian.
c. Hold the camera directly above your head so nobody can see your face, only your neat scene hair.
d. Get Photoshop*and use effects on your pictures to render yourself even more indistinguishable.
5. Last, and pretty much the least important aspect of being scene today: music. If one does not know any cool scene music it would be best to just fill in as many random band names as possible on their myspace. The more band names you have on there, the more it looks like you’re the real thing and not a wannabe scene kid. A scene music list should include names such as: Norma Jean, The Bled, Blood Brothers, Hollywood Undead, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, or anything else that sounds really badass and hardcore. .
And because it’s trendy to be lame, one can include people such as: Hillary Duff, 50 cent, Z-trip, Beastie Boys, Fall Out Boy, and of course Aqua.
Although music isn’t important in the scene these days, a scenester is fully expected to attend shows. Whether they know the bands or not, or even like the music, that doesn’t matter. You must attend scene shows to be considered scene. If throwing down is not your thing one can tap his or her foot to the beat or play an air guitar to appear as thought they‘ve known this band forever. But, for ultimate scene points, fight your way to the stage and throw down like it’s nobodies business. Don’t forget to bring some cash to purchase sweet band tees, buttons, and stickers. Also, between bands, work on that smoking habit, it’s plus 2000 scene points to be holding a cigarette amongst your peers.
Now that you have the most effective rules on becoming scene it is time to put your look and skills to the test. Now get out there, and pretend like you know what you’re talking about. Be extremely mean to people you don’t know. Spend all your money on cigarettes and metal for your face. Have fun getting kicked and punched in the throw down, and good luck with that cancer. Don’t forget, you’re scene now, untouchable, quick to the tongue, and extremely good looking. You’re better than everyone, don’t forget that, especially when you’re being called emo from across the street. And if you take one thing away with you from this lesson, let it be that music has nothing to do with being scene, it’s all about the look. If you look the part, your scene credit will skyrocket. Now go out and have fun looking like a complete idiot.
REMEMBER KIDS- The easiest way to get into a girls pants is to be scene and get into girls pants.
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