Render incapable from excessive consumption of pie.
Can result from consumption of either savoury or sweet pie variants, though symptoms are exacerbated when savoury pie forms (notably pork pies) are consumed with beer. Sufferers anecdotally refer to 'pie-crash', where excitability, hyperactivity and excessive salivation prior to pie-eating make way for dulled senses, depressed affect, dry mouth and an extreme desire to curl up with a pillow.
Symptoms include: lethargy, apathy and mild wind
Variants include: pastied, quiched
By administering two large Melton Mowbray pies and four pints of IPA we managed to completely incapiecitate the subject. After 30 minutes the subject showed severe symptoms - eyeballs rolled up in their sockets, lolling tongue and little to no voluntary muscle control. We ended the test by administering a stiff brandy and propping the man in a comfortable armchair with the Sunday papers. Three hours later the patient was exhibiting no symptoms. (BMJ: Pastry Research, 1908)
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