No one is sure where the American Beef straps were first sighted, but there is evidence they originated in the New york brothels. Beef straps can be traced all the way back to the times when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. There are fossils of these ancient straps, but they are extremely rare.
Although beef straps to some are considered a rare delacacy, others are not so pleased and refer to them as "filthy rank pinosha". Most beef straps can be classified into one of three categories: The FUPA-front butt, elderly-antique, or the most frowned upon, dirty-skank. The fupa-front butt type has been around for years, but there has been a massive outbreak since the opening of American McDonalds. Not everyone with FUPA (Fatty Upper Pussy Area) or front butts (Front Butts) has been diagnosed with beef straps, but it is for certain that every female over 175 lbs has them. It is sad, because these beef straps are perhaps the most avoidable. It was stated clear and simple by my fellow reporter Lexilex skullywags, "All you have to do is stop eating so much you mammoth whale." Males happen to find this plentiful variety a barbaric violation to all human kind.
The second and most sad category, the elderly-antique, is perhaps the most uncivil kind of beef in all the nation. It is a devistating thing that we as women have to face. I shudder to think that we will all look down in the shower some day and face the horrible reality that we have beef down there. It is a sad sad thing.
The third type is shamless and offensive to everyone. The dirty-skank beef straps are fully avoidable, and can only be obtained by having lots of sex. People with this horrible type of straps are often accompanied by the dirty whore scent at all times. They sometimes have dirty greased out hair and wear ill mannered clothes. Often thier skirts are so short that thier untamed straps come flopping out all over the place! If you ever happen to come in contact with a beef strap or two, please make sure you know which type to classify it in as to be able to handle the situation correctly. There is nothing more to say. Thank you.
Lexi's beef is just flopping out all over the place! It's like, tuck it in man!
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