Here's what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: Forget it. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
In modern, English, Earthman parlance, a vogon is an officious, callous bureaucrat who insists on following the rules regardless of whether they are directly applicable or make any sense at all. Whether they do this because they are cruel and sadistic, or because they don't have two brain cells to rub together is immaterial and often impossible to discern.
Hey, you sass that vogon at the bank? He took me to court and tried to repo my house even though I never took out a loan! Apparently there was a typo on the address. He knew about it, but went ahead with the case because I never filled out Form 1654x9b requesting an address correction. I'd never even heard of a 1654x9b until I'd been served! What a vogon!
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