A person who seems to believe that trees have sex appeal. Often mistaken for a tree hugger, the Tree Molestor is a dying breed. Hunters- be cautious not to shoot these rare perverts.
Tree Molestors will sometimes refer to themselves as "forest fairies". Please ignore their insanity, it is caused by toxins in the water from which they drink, and from a poisen in a root that they commonly use for human sacrafices to the gods.
In my experience with these creatures, it is best to avoid them at all costs. Capture could result in a painful, fiery death after which your flesh would be feasted upon. They share traits with the cannibal.
They are weak against the force of automatic weapons, so if you find yourself in a situation where you must interact make sure you have said weapon nearby.
Guy 1: Woah, is that woman humping a tree?
Other Tree Molestor: Of course. Its her lover. His name is Jimbo. He is a very handsome tree, isnt he?
Guy 2:....isnt this illegal?
Prices shown in USD.
Type your email address below to get our free Urban Word of the Day every morning!
Emails are sent from firstname.lastname@example.org. We'll never spam you.