1) One's goal shalt always be in contradiction with one's actions (the Irony Law). The is the foundation of all ye hipsterism, and the law that binds all other laws.
2) Nothing shalt be practical, a hipster shalt do everything for appearances.
2) Finally, a hipster shalt never claim to be a hipster.
Ye Application of The Laws of Hipsterism:
Normal Person: Hey you want to go shopping with me?
Hipster female: No, I don't care about how I look.
(Hipster Female shalt then traverse to ye Olde Thrift store where thou shalt spend one full half day looking for garments)
Normal Person: Hey! I like this artist. Their music is good!!
(Thou buys/downloads album to listen to)
Hipster Guy: *No inner monologue, for hipsters do not think consciously for themselves.
(Thou buys Vinyl to show ye others that thou purchases Vinyls.)
Hipster One: I hate hipsters.
Hipster Two: Me too! God! I'm going to write an entry in Olde English and send it into Urban Dictionary that professes my hate for hipsters!!
Hipster One: Right on dude!! Hey you want to go to the thrift store afterwords to go buy records?
Hipster Two: Sorry man, but I can't I'll be pretty busy writing that entry and my fixed gear bike's in the shop right now.
Hipster One: It's cool dude...I...I love you.
Hipster Two: I...I love you too.
THESE ARE THE RULES TO BE SPREAD FAR ABOVE THE SKY AND ACROSS THE LAND: FOREVER AND EARNESTLY, UN-IRONICALLY AND FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND!!!
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