A relative of the Mall Zombie, these specimens usually travel in groups of three to six, spreading themselves out over the full width of a sidewalk to prevent anyone behind them from getting past without pulling a "Red Rover" maneuver. Like the Mall Zombie, Sidewalk Linebackers often eat themselves into maximum girth to increase their progress-blocking capabilities.
Dude, I would have been on time but I spent the last three blocks trapped behind these fucking Sidewalk Linebackers!
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