Named for their association with their male counterpart the SWIZZLECAP, the SWIZZLESTICK is a common variety of female seen in trendy clubs, overpriced restaurants and suburban shopping malls worldwide. Instantly recognizable by her utterly conformist grooming habits, the early 21st century SWIZZLESTICK usually wears her straightened hair in a ponytail, dresses in non-threatening colors like beige and tan, and very possibly owns a pair of furry boots. Known for their exceptionally irritating voices, even a small gathering of SWIZZLESTICKS in a shop or restaurant can sometimes result in earaches, nausea and crippling migraines for bystanders within a 30 foot radius. Perhaps the most prized characteristic of SWIZZLESTICKS is how easily they can be replaced: if a SWIZZLECAP gets dumped by his SWIZZLESTICK girlfriend, he knows he need only visit his neighborhood sports bar to find an near-exact replica of her.
My last boyfriend wasn't interested in dating a woman with a brain or a real personality. After me, he hooked up with some SWIZZLESTICK.
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