Security Blanket On Wheels
Commonly reffered to as an SUV. For the most part they are driven by shitheads that only care about themselves and could care less about the worlds natural resources. Designed years ago as a true off-road utility vehicle for use by individuals that actually worked hard for a living and needed a vehicle that could have truck like capability with room to haul heavy duty equipment. This vehicle has now been bastardized and mass produced to cater to suburban yuppie pricks that call hard work a 9-5 bankers job to pay the mortgage on their overpriced suburban home and their wifes fake body enhancements. Often their owners claim it makes life easier for them because they have a large family to haul around that consists of 1 bratty child that will more than likely grow up to be an even more inconsiderate prick than their parents. They are Also driven by asshole celebrities.
Cindy- "oh im just so glad my hubby bought me the new Juggernaut 5000 Super XXXXL SBOW edition! I feel so safe in it i dont even give turn signals or pay attention when im driving anymore. Not to mention its got a 75 foot long wheelbase and seating for 3 people."
Jane- "Oh Cindy thats fabulous! Now you will have room to haul your son little Jimmy to his after school "Future Assholes of America meeting."
Cindy- "Hold on some tree hugger in a stupid compact car is in my way! Let me run him off the road and ill call you back!"
Jane- "Ok Bye!"
Cindy- Honk! Honk! "Hey get your stupid ass compact out of my way looser! Cant you see im driving my SBOW and talking on my cellphone you inconsiderate prick!" Scrrrrrreeeeeeechhhh! Craaaaaaaaash! Baaaaaaaaaaang! Thump! Thump!
Average Joe Compact Driver- "ouuuch my neck. That crazy bitch just ran over me with her fucking SBOW!"
Cindy- "Oooopsy. Oh no what do i do? I know i'll push the on star button. They will solve all my problems!" Click!
On Star operator- "Hello this is On Star can i help you?"
Cindy- "oooh please help me! I just ran over a car what should i do?"
On Star Operator- "Mam its gonna be ok! Is the other driver moving?"
Cindy- "I dont know! What does that have to do with anything? I was just calling to make sure my SBOW is ok!"
On Star Operator- "Ok mam! Yes i just ran a diagnostic scan and the only apparent damage seems to be that you set a minor "compact car collision sensor" off. Let me enter a few key strokes and i will turn it back off.... Ok its turned off now. Oh and i will place a call to your lawyer and brief him on the possible lawsuit that person you ran over might be filing against you. That way you can get a head start on proving how negligent he was for driving silly little gas sipper."
Cindy- "Thank you sooo much! Its a good thing i have the best lawyer money can buy. He's so good he will tie the case up in court until that person i ran over cant afford to pay his legal fee's anymore and will just give up!"
Prices shown in USD.
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