Ok, everyone is aware of the poor Senator Craig's sad state of circumstance. If he had only been made been aware of the secret codes ( Public Sex Codes) public gay sex practitioners have been using for years, the whole situation could have been avoided. In an effort to protect other innocent civilians out there from the same, I have compiled the following list of coded behavior.
1) Tapping the foot: Tapping the foot repeatedly in a separated rhythmic pattern essentially says "Hello friend, I am available for public gay sex.". A positive response to the tapping would be a much slower rhythmic tapping translated to "Well hello to you too, I am also available for public gay sex and would be interested in having some with you." The initiating party would then move his foot to touch the others in a pseudo "handshake" effectively beginning a deeper level of communication.
2) After the initial "How do you dos", it is important for both parties to announce the types of activities they are willing to perform or have performed on them. Senator Craig's rubbing the bottom of the stall with his LEFT hand, palm up, would translate loosely into "If you would like, I will be happy to give you a handjob eventually leading to oral sex that I will perform on you. Would you like that? Would you reciprocate this activity?" It was at this point the Senator was detained for questioning. Had the officer rubbed his hand in a similar fashion it would have told the Senator "Sounds good to me, what else would you like to do?"
3) Had the Senator used his RIGHT hand, palm up, in a similar fashion, the motion would be translated to say "Sir, I have little time and would like you to have anal intercourse with me as receiver. No reciprocation necessary." This is actually a very common request due to the fact that most of the initiating parties are deeply closeted and want to "seal the deal" as quickly as possible.
4) A similar motion with LEFT hand, palm down, would be received as. "I would like to give you a handjob, what would you like to do to me?"
5) Same act RIGHT handed, palm down, would mean. "I would like to give you a blowjob, what would you like to do to me?"
6) Had the Senator taken his shoe off and pointed it in the direction of the other party, this activity would translate to "I would like to have anal intercourse with YOU receiving. Is that ok?"
7) Shoe pointing towards initiating party, he would then be stating "I would like to have anal intercourse with MYSELF as the receiver. Is that ok?"
8) Sometimes an initiating party will use toilet paper and swap his rectum. He will then offer the wad of paper to the other party so that they may "test the wares" by smelling the paper and judging their sexual attraction to the individual from it. This is usually only done by someone VERY familiar with the location and the type of public gay sex practitioners the location attracts.
9) Urinating upon the foot of your potential public gay sex partner would translate loosely into "Look there, I have pissed on your shoe and your pants leg. How will you explain that to your wife and kids? If you let me bugger you right here right now, I will let you wear my pants home and no one will be the wiser. Yes, I know they don't match but it will still be better then showing up at your home and trying to explain why some gay guys piss is all over your pants. Don't you think? Let's party!"
10) Defecation between the stalls would be the same as saying "Look at that big huge pile of shit I left there between the stalls. Look at it. LOOK AT IT! I WAS going to have public gay sex with you but it's now become apparent you have a scat fetish and I do not. I only laid the poop to see if you were into that and obviously you are. Have fun with my shit as it is your's now. Feel free to rub it upon your skin, but please wait until I have left the area as the thought alone will make me want to vomit. As we both know vomiting between the stalls would mean I have access to an animal shelter and am willing to tickle your ballsack while you pleasure yourself within the rectum of a chinchilla. I do not want you to get the wrong idea. I do not have access to ANY animal shelters, especially one that would be host to a chinchilla. I'm not even certain what kind of animal that is, but I do not want you to think I do so I am leaving. Have fun with my poo. It was nice to meet you."
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