1) A formerly great, formerly Roman Catholic university. Its board of Trustees decided at the turn of the millenium that it was more important to climb up the rankings at USNWR than to maintain its distinctive mission and identity. As a result of its rapid secularization, it climbed from #18 to #18.
2) A college that can afford to sacrifice its Catholic character, due to the large number of young Catholics who are nevertheless anxious to spend four years and $200K on the experience of living in the empty space between Gary and Toledo.
3) The place where Rev. John Jenkins walks with a cell-phone on his ear so he can pretend to be in the middle of a conversation. This enables him to cross any quad (even South) without having to talk to actual people.
4) A Catholic-college-based theme park in the Upper Midwest, featuring 'Touchdown Jesus,' 'Fair Catch Corby,' 'Play-Action Pass Pope Cletus,' and 'Illegal Formation Ss. Boris and Gleb.' No one knows why.
5) Two lakes an hour's drive east of Gary.
6) A reflecting pond in front of a library with practically no windows and totally depressing study carrels sporting graffiti such as "Re-Elect President Hoover" and "Bring this Rail-Road Contraption to South Bend!"
7) A mythical location, found on no known map, where Zahmbies urinate on other people's dorms, and the upper-administration don WWI-era German infantry helmets and stand in St. Mary's Lake on alternate Tuesdays in order to improve the USNWR standing.
Look, Dunstan! Isn't that Fr. Jenkins standing in a lake with a pointy helmet? We must be at Notre Dame!
Great, Akhbar! I can't wait to see 'Illegal Formation Ss. Boris and Gleb.'
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