If you chuck in a mythical monster which no-one in a huge crowd has ever seen, make him out to be the cutest thing since Gizmo, and situate in a growing land with no-one to bother you, you've got one booming business!
If you go down to Loch Ness today you'll see the splendors of the midgie, a fly like the mosquitoe, who attack in thousands.
Or maybe the herds of yanks, who come with their massive cars, fat wifes and fatter children, who pay over 30 pound to watch some acne-infested student tell them about the legend of an over-sized fish, which he reads off his hand.
In the case of an emergency, such as Nessie getting kidnapped by a senile old billionaire, a fire, or 99.9% of the time, the tour guide needing a fag break, just wait a few hours as he walks out to tend to the needs of his habit and goes to get something to eat, while you stand with a bunch of other gullible foreigners who don't understand what exactly the receptionist was laughing about when you handed her a 100 pound note.
And after a complete waste of 2 hours, sit down and chow on a nessie burger, which can be found in the dozens of burger bars situated in Loch Ness.
(Do not believe that the name nessie burger means that there is any source of Nessie in it. It tastes more like hobo)
Like that isn't enough, come buy cute nessie dolls at the toy shops, such as Nessie saying "Cause im green, innit?"
or the usual "scottish stereotype being chased by a ferocious penise shaped head while fishing for chips" shirt.
So, if your looking to get swindled out of your money, have your kids flesh torn apart by midgies, and all in all, sit in the pishing rain looking for your green chum Nessie, come ahead.
It fab dabby dastard. (Cough)
Roaaaar! Im Nessie, i can speak over so languages and im lovable and cute, so why dont you buy your kids some of my over-expensive inexpensible merchandise? your kids will love you for years to come. unless you dont like kids. You like kids- dont you?
Loch Ness Tourism Board
Prices shown in USD.
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