The Last Son of Krypton, a former planet where evolution has, by total coincidence, produced a species identical to humans except for their larger muscles and more handsome features.
Krypton was destroyed in a remarkably splendid explosion when Kal-El was just an infant. The explanations for this explosion vary, but none of them make sense. Fortunately, Kal-El's father, Jor-El just happened to have recently invented a small spacecraft, just large enough for an infant. Little Kal was placed into the craft and sent it into space, mere moments before the explosion! The child safely reached Earth, and landed outside of the town of Smallville, Kansas, U.S.A. where he was raised by Jonathan and Martha Clark, who quickly decided to take him and claim he was their baby.
Somehow, Kal-El's Kryptonian physiology reacted to the light of Earth's yellow sun and gave him almost every superpower that one can think of, and he uses these powers for protecting the people of Earth while wearing a brightly-colored costume, which has given him fame across the universe. There are only 3 things to which Kal-El is vulnerable: 1) radioactive chunks of his home planet, of which there are many on Earth, which only affect a Kryptonian and cause no harm to Earthlings. 2) A direct hit from an atomic bomb. and 3) magic.
On top of his job of protecting Earth (and often other worlds), he also manages to be a successful reporter for the Metropolis Daily Planet. Virtually nobody has ever caught on that the reporter and the superhero are the same person, because Kal-El wears fake glasses when he's reporting, and he doesn't wear glasses when he's heroing.
Other names that Kal-El is known by include Clark Kent and Superman. He also has several nicknames, including The Metropolis Marvel, The Man of Steel (a title he stole from Steel Sterling), and Earth's Mightiest Mortal (a title he stole from Captain Marvel).
I do not know anything about his penile girth or Emcee skills, although I'm sure they're impressive.
Lora: Jor-L! You've come!
Jor-L: As quickly as I could! Lora, my beloved! Where is he -- our newborn son?
Lora: Jor-L, I'm afraid our newborn son, Kal-l, is rather a roughneck! He gave the doctor a discolored eye, and I've had difficulty in preventing his leaping from my arms!
Jor-l (to Kal): Just like your dad!
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