Your desire to see your family at the annual gathering is offset by your anticipatory angst of being judged by your family though your own inner critic judges you mercilessly.
Holiday Anticipatory Angst includes a wide range of stress regardless of one's personal happiness or not so happiness in their own life situation. An example could be when you are pleased with yourself for making a decision regarding a difficult situation, yet have so much angst about revealing your choices at a large family gathering that you have thoughts of skipping the entire event.
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