n. - A sexually transmitted virus that causes painful blisters that usually occur on the lips, genitals, and eyes. Genital Souties occur in rashes, or outbreaks, when the Souties Simplex Virus becomes active in the skin. Unlike Genital Herpes, which cause puss-filled blisters, Genital Souties are known to cause blisters that bear a distinctive resemblance to Brian Souter. Souties are known to have thick glasses, bushy beards, and are particularly painful in that Souties - unlike Herpes - are able to speak. Known to consistently harass the victim with endless conspiracy theories, Genital Souties often lead to suicide in victims who are desperate to escape the inane conspiracy talk.
Despite some available treatment options, there is no cure for Genital Souties. Ask your doctor about treatment options such as Soutrex. The only way to prevent Genital Souties is to avoid contact with conspiracy theorists.
Doctor: Son, I'm afraid I have some bad news: It's Genital Souties.
Victim: (begins weeping) Oh God, why did I keep going with that girl after she started talking about government mind control!
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