A £ multi-billion industry based around 20 overpaid tribal heroes kicking a ball around, as in the grounds thousands of semi-evolved, illiterate grunting beasts attempt to kick the living shit out of eachother.
These Mongo Retardopithicus footballii are tribal creatures, easily regognised by their sloping forheads, prominant brow-ridges, shaven heads, vulgar and garish gold sovereign rings and the finest chunky gold chains that Argos can supply as well as their tribal war-paint.
They are a primitive people, who worship the Sun (especially page 3 ). Most are incapable of using words of over 2 sylables ( foot-ball, mon-go, rooo-knee, ga-zza, lar-gah, be'-kham ) the only exception being their legendary spiritual home, the mythical Ing-Gerr-Laaaand. Each tribe slavishly worshipping a tribal god-icon and it's associated 12 warrior- heroes,or 'Teeems. Usually, these tribes are blood enemies ( Chel-see tribe strong, kill Ars-nal tribe, ug! ) , fighting vicious battles over the ritualised tribal war carried out by the Teeems These battles invariably end up in local human population centres being damaged ( 'Mongo's Teeem is lose, Mongo smash up town, ug!' or, conversely 'Mongo's Teeem is win, Mongo smash up town, ug!' )
Every 4 years however, the tribes of Ing Gerr-Laaaand come together for a month-long frenzy of obsessive stupidity.
Thanks the goddess it only happens every 4 years.
At the mention of the sacred word 'football' the assembled primitives began to hoot and beat their chests excitedly, this soon resulted in the entire town centre being destroyed.
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