A school situated in the lovely fuckin' ass-crack of the universe! The guys are sexy stallions and the girls are totally starving whores... if a fuckin' text-book is seducing them. President John Roush is so prestigious, he has his very own table at O'fuckin'Charley's (our most Gaudy and lavish dining facility)... Centre College is riddled with diversity, which rears its illustrious face in the form of ONE, yes one, offensively stereotypical Asian... And if you're lookin' for sweet ride - just pick from our endless selection of which luxurious pre-1995 Kia Spectra you want straight out of the parking lot (no key needed) there's fuckin' plenty to go round. Centre offers a wide variety of delectable food-choices! You can chose from an array of quisine, ranging from Grand Marnier Road Kill to a special blend of ol' KY Coffee (Don't wear white undies, the Diahhrea really sneeks up on you until you build up a tollerance...) The girls have more facial hair than the boys, and there's a scum-bag underground gaming society... that is more popular than any of the frats... But wo is me, Centre isn't all bad - at least for your convinience, they've made it so you can count all the hot girls at the college on ONE of your measly fingers so that you don't lose time counting those hot girls when you could be grinding out some sweet studying for that new class you're taking on beastiality. (Compensation for the girls... and seriously - when you go Monkey, you NEVER go back... they can show you love with their hands AND feet, baby!) The teachers demand to be called dr. - because they're so pissed that their fuckin' 10 years of schooling landed them in the anus of America... can you blame 'em?? But worry not, there is culture if you seek it - visit the Centre College art gallery, where you'll find an array of stimulating art pieces including an original Auguste Rodin (purchased in 1998 from a clearence table at Good Will). But fear not, my friends, at least we have fresh beef, straight from the slaughter house down the street. Nothing lights your day up like seeing a truckload of cute, mooing calfs seconds away from their impending doom. And you never would have thought you'd consider yourself so lucky to be buried in a NYC dumpster after death, but it's lookin' pretty sweet right now... But, all in all, If you're looking for:
- a great time
- lovely girls
- the best education money can buy
- a spectacular place to reside
- somewhere you could really settle down with a family
- endless opportunities to make money
- divine ethnic quisine
- sophistication beyond your wildest dreams
- and... even a place to get a delicious stake
ABOUT FACE, MOTHER FUCKER! TURN AND RUN, AND DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU SEE GAYS! LOTS OF THEM!!
"A filthy Oasis you dare not enter
Join me in filth in dear Ol’ Centre"
Prices shown in USD.
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