Big Time Rush for Beginners.
The biggest assholes on the fucking planet, from left to right: Carlos, James, Kendall, Logan.
Carlos Pena Jr., aka Latin Thunder. Actually, nobody calls him that, I just made that up. He may seem like an innocent motherfucker with that precious grin and those big brown eyes and his overuse of exclamation marks, but no. He’s an asshole.
James Maslow, aka the Token Jew. It’s easy to see why this flawless motherfucker is an asshole.
Kendall Schmidt, aka that stoner kid who somehow got into a boy band. He’s such an asshole there aren’t even words as to why.
Logan Henderson, aka that Texan kid that thinks he’s black and can’t spell worth a shit. This fucking asshole is a smug motherfucking asshole. The end.
Big Time Rush
Carlos Pena Jr.: He moves his hips like he’s getting paid, and that raspy, smooth voice of his will have your panties dropping before you know it.
James Maslow: He’s prettier than you are, just accept it. He’s got the face of an angel and the body of Adonis, and although he may seem totally humble and adorable in interviews and things, he’s just as big of an ass as the rest of them. His voice is perfection in audio form, and he can belt it like Whitney. He wouldn’t even have to ask.
Kendall Schmidt:He’s not the best dancer but damn if he can’t move his hips and do those pelvic thrusts like he’s been doing it all his life, and his voice isn’t the conventional “boy band” voice but fuck can he sing. Once he locks those bright green eyes with yours and flashes you that mischievous smirk that shows off those fucking dimples, that’s all it would take.
Logan Henderson: He’s awkward as hell when he dances but somehow manages to make it look sexy as fuck, and he has this accent that has your heart melting at how Southern he is, and his voice is raspy and light at the same time. This jackass knows all it would take is a flirtatious wink and a big, dimpled grin and you’d be naked before he could say, “Hey there cutie pie.”
In short, get the fuck out while you still can. They’ll ruin every expectation you’ve ever had in a man.
-coming from a 22 year old woman
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