Ass mulch is a sticky brown substance excreted from the anus. Once excreted it is placed outside in direct sunlight to cake in the heat. The resulting odor can be smelled from a distance of over ten metres and anyone within that radius when the ass mulch is 'Fully caked' will suffer from death. The texture after cooking willm be crispy and crusty like batter on a fish but shit. It can be consumed, but if you want to feel like someone shoved gravel down you throat while dumping in you mouth, be my guest, however the taste has been know to resemble compost mixed with raw sewage and bassil.
There is an alternate way of making Ass Mulch, it can be put in a berlap sack (known as a shittysack) and left to 'mature' at the bottem of your local compost heap. The characteristics are relatively similar to the 'caked ass mulch', only it has a distinct after taste of someone pouring liquified ass cookies down the throat.
Alex: OM MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT SMELL?!?!?!? IT MADE MY NOSE BLEED ITS THAT BAD!!!!!
Tom:It could be only one thing, MY ASS MULCH!!!!! I wondered where it had got to
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