The "THANK YOU" American University List
1. THANK YOU AU for making me wait 45 minutes for shuttle and additional 30 minutes while driver takes a shit
2. THANK YOU AU for closing health center on the weekends so I can cough blood in my room without treatment
3. THANK YOU AU for building gym as small as possible for 5000 undergrads
4. THANK YOU AU for taking Jamba Juice out and replacing it with Pure Vida, THAT REALLY MAKES FUCKING SENSE
5. THANK YOU AU for hiring prison inmates as full time employees
6. THANK YOU AU for lying to potential applicants during tours by saying that current AU students have rights and influence on school
7. THANK YOU AU for having any food vendor on campus open late at night
8. THANK YOU AU for signing 16 year contract with "bon appetite" to give us more moldy bread and 13 different types of potatoes per day
9. THANK YOU AU for blackboard which is the fucking worst system ever created and I AM SO PROUD that AU alumni created it
10. THANK YOU AU for still having school on major holidays like President's Day THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE CONSIDERING WE ARE IN D.C. AND EVERY OTHER SCHOOL IN DISTRICT HAS OFF
AU STUDENT "Hey AU, can I set up a lemonade stand outside MGC since its such a hot day?
AU ADMIN "Sorry kid, American University doesn't let students do anything unless you fill out these 35 forms and get the signatures of every government official in our administration. We'll probably get back to you in 5 months with our response. In the meantime, just go to TDR and drink some of our all natural watered down minute-maid lemonade."
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