In Ireland, after a heavy night of Guinness one may wake, violently sweating with a throbbing headache, leaking anus and solid erection.
Only option 3 in 1..
Usually plays out like this -
1) one painfully large, rock hard, insanely dry shit followed by ten minutes of watery black rectum singeing evil..sweating and headache intensify
2) next the vomit; transparent and acidic. stinging the entire throat causing aching lungs. head now pounding unable to open eyes
3) the wank. usually worked to a rhythm of pump.headache throb.pump.throb etc. On ejaculation into the stinking toilet bowl you will not be met with pleasure..no no.. but what feels like a mild brain anueryism.
pick up discarded boxers from hallway, don't flush, don't wipe, return to bed...
To Girlfriend "I just had a 3 in 1, better get the marigolds"
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