A really really really fat person who is embarrassing to be around. He should not show his face in public because it is so fat. The earth shakes when he walks. He's also really bad at poetry and is terrible at playing baseball and bowling. And he's terrible at eating clementines
Ouch. So many people defined Kabbalah, but not one person correctly defined the real Zohar. Despite what most people think, Kabbalah is actually a serious practice that shouldnt be taken lightly by stupid people, mainly celebrities. The Zohar is the book from which kabbalists study. If anyone claims to practice Kabbalah, ask them if they know what the Zohar is, or if they just wear the red string to make a false statement.
There are some great philosophical ideas in the Zohar.