1: Take one long, glass, drink-stirring rod
2: Insert drink-stirring rod into urethra
3: Smash penis repeatedly with mallet, book, fist or other hard object; causing the glass rod to shatter and impale your penis from the inside out.
1: Take one incandescent lightbulb
2: Insert bulb into vagina, anus, or both
3: Jump off small ledge in such a way that you land straddling a hard wooden structure, causing the lightbulb(s) to shatter inside of your vagina and/or anus.
Tom: "I really don't know about this...are you sure it'll make me cum harder than ever?"
Dave: "Yeah, something like that..." (Hits Tom's penis repeatedly with a box of ice cream sandwhiches).
Tom: "OH MY FUCKING GOD WORST PAIN EVER!"
Shelly: "Dave, are you sure this will make me cum for a solid 5 minutes?"
Dave: Yeah, something like that..." (Pushes Shelly off small ledge onto wooden A-frame).
Shelly: "OH MY FUCKING GOD WORST PAIN EVER!"
Dave: "I'm a douchebag...I need a new hobby".