Top definition
UK/Aus/NZ slang for:

1. Someone excessively and annoyingly pretentious and/or false, with a strong likelihood of working in the creative industries, especially "new media". Very high populations of wankers are to be found in certain areas of London including Shoreditch and Hoxton; see also Shoreditch twat.

2. Someone with a faintly sociopathic lack of regard for other people; see also arsehole.

3. Someone useless, inefficient or time-wasting, especially in a place or work and/or position of responsibility.

4. A general term of abuse.

5. Someone who masturbates.
1. He spent twenty minutes telling me about the studio's new pathways they're developing in innovative synergistic blue-sky-media treatment concepts. In a fake Cockney-geezer accent. What a fucking wanker.

2. That cunt in the sports car just totally cut me up. What a fucking wanker.

3. He's being paid £25/hour and he just sits there playing Freecell whilst the rest of us do all his work for him, because he's the boss's mate. What a fucking wanker.

4. You're a fucking wanker.

5. You're a fucking wanker.
by snootful October 07, 2012
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2
While "to wank" means "to masturbate", the term "wanker" is seldom if ever used in British slang to denote "one who wanks". It is quite wrong to infer from somebody's being a wanker that they in fact wank (and vice versa), but of course, fair to assume they do in any case. Herein lies the genius of the insult: if you call someone a wanker, it's probably true, but only literally.

I suppose it all originates from our repressed Victorian sexualities, from back when everybody thought they were the only ones to suffer the secret shame of being an actual wanker.

Most children these days learn the word "wanker" long before they learn its literal meaning.
You're such a wanker.
Oh gosh! How did you know?

He lost both of his hands in a childhood kiting accident.
What a wanker!
by anonymous May 31, 2004
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3
A commonly used Australian/british/new zealand word used to describe a fuckball, jerk, asshole or jackass.
Another word for tosser, which is usually reffered to when someone is being a tool or a complete dick. The term is usually asscossiated with one who masturbates regularly. Often reffered to as having a wank, hence the term wanker (one who wanks).
mike:"oi dickhead move ya fuckin car outta the way...ya blockin the traffic ya fuckin wanker!"

Jack:"Yea have a wank will ya mate!"
by u r cool April 19, 2005
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A cheifly British term used to identify one who masturbates.
"Get that kid off my ice you little wankers!"
by Frost March 12, 2004
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5
Someone that thinks they're 'cool' but in reality is a total knob jockey.
A smug, satisfying real English term to call someone you intensely dislike without resorting to the word "cunt"!
He persisted on calling our game 'soccer' when it's really football. What a wanker.
by Ivy Oh August 07, 2003
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6
Wankers can't be trusted with their own dicks let alone anyone elses.
by Pommydave October 03, 2003
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7
A complete tosser. Someone who makes
as little effort as they can possibly
get away with.

In British English that's what "wanker"
means - it does not literely mean
a masterbater (though doubt he is one).

Just as "he's a bugger" does not
literally mean he commits sodomy...
"He's just a wanker. I told him to clear
up and, two hours later, he was still
just sitting there reading the paper
and picking his nose"
by martin November 10, 2003
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The vengeful act of crapping on a lover's chest while they sleep.

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