Danielle: Like, where are all the good guys at? I don’t get it. I have a career that keeps me super busy; short nails; pasty skin; a 32-inch waist; Ugg boots; frizzy blond hair; a pair-shaped body, and a master’s degree. I can barely cook and have slept with, like, just 28 guys. What gives?
Dave: Hmm, I’d say it’s the wang drain. Like Mike, the cool guy from sales, he just married a hot Japanese chick that works part time and has long nails; almond skin; sexy sandals; shiny black hair; an hourglass figure, and a bachelor’s degree. She’s a great cook and has had just two boyfriends before him. You seriously gotta step your game up.
Jessica: Why are there so many American, Swedish, German, Canadian, and British men living in Thailand and China?
Jeff: It’s not obvious? They’re part of the wang drain; they’re sick of imperious, career-obsessed American girls with huge senses of self-entitlement and mannish physiques, so they’ve come to seek beautiful, soft-spoken, feminine Asian women instead. It’s really quite simple.
Emily: Who’s that slut?
Elizabeth: Oh, that’s Kevin’s girlfriend. She, like, must have a 23-inch waist or something. She looks like a total ho. I heard she’s from, like, Croatia. Kevin must be part of that wang drain thingy.