As used by Peter Cook in his 'One-legged Tarzan" sketch on "Not only ... But Also" in 1971

The scene is a theatrical producer's office (Peter Cook) and Dudley Moore plays the unidexter.


Peter:Miss Rigby! Stella, my love! Would you please send in the next auditioner, please. Mr. Spigott, I believe it is.

Enter Dudley, hopping energetically on one leg

Peter:Mr. Spigott, I believe?

Dudley:Yes — Spigott by name, Spigott by nature. (keeps hopping)

Peter:Yes... if you'd like to remain motionless for a moment, Mr. Spigott. Please be stood. Now, Mr. Spigott you are, I believe, auditioning for the part of Tarzan?

Dudley:Right.

Peter:Now, Mr. Spigott, I couldn't help noticing almost at once that you are a one-legged person.

Dudley:You noticed that?

Peter:I noticed that, Mr. Spigott. When you have been in the business as long as I have you come to notice these things almost instinctively. Now, Mr. Spigott, you, a one-legged man, are applying for the role of Tarzan — a role which, traditionally, involves the use of a two-legged actor.

Dudley:Correct.

Peter:And yet you, a unidexter, are applying for the role.

Dudley:Right.

Peter:A role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement.

Dudley:Very true.

Peter:Well, Mr. Spigott, need I point out to you where your deficiency lies as regards landing the role?

Dudley:Yes, I think you ought to.

Peter:Need I say with overmuch emphasis that it is in the leg division that you are deficient.

Dudley:The leg division?

Peter:Yes, the leg division, Mr. Spigott. You are deficient in it — to the tune of one. Your right leg I like. I like your right leg. A lovely leg for the role. That's what I said when I saw you come in. I said ‘A lovely leg for the role.’ I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is — neither have you. You fall down on your left.

etc.