50
The entire series is just Meyer (no - wait, my mistake - Bella) swooning over how lucky she is to have such a great he man (aka strong fag), Edward. Edward is from a clan of pussy vampires who never drink human blood. They also have no other vampiristic qualities, so they might as well be Chupacabras. THEN there's the Blacks, an Indian Tribe (so Meyer's got her mix of negro-allusions and redskins) which prominently features Jacob, a boy who, aside from loving Bella for no good reason, is...um... a vampire/shapeshifter?

So Edward is (aside from incredibly beautiful and gorgeous and oh-so-Adonis) very stony. He's often compared to marble, granite and limestone. Alright, not limestone. That's me.

Bella is your ho-hum average bitch with nothing better to do than fall in front of cars, rapists, other vampires, werewolf/transformers and other unbelievable scenarios. She always has Mr. Sparkles to get her ass outta trouble.

Breaking Dawn was the shit (literally). She fawns over Edward and when they do it, they get it DONE. Edward beats the bloody mess out of her without her noticing because I guess getting fucked by a marble cock is mezmerizing enough to not notice you're being bruised like a beat-down banana. Ed is too afraid to hump her again, but Bella seduces him (???~!!!!) with the sorriest lines and he does her again. This time he can focus his horny powers and busts the headboard open. And, oh yeah, bites pillows. Because to 12-30+ year old women, men who bite pillows are fierce lovemakers. Honestly, I'd be wondering what the fuck his problem was.

I stopped there (I'd been looking for reading-porn, but this was ridiculous) but from what I heard, Bella goes all Alien and has a kid go BLAM from her cooch in a hard placenta. She spits up "fountains" (meyer's own words) of blood. Nice. But the bitch don't die.

In the end a huge, built up battle never happens, Jacob Black is destined to fall in love with their kid (further enforcing Meyer's pedo dreams) and Bella and Edward have buttsex till the nerves in her ass go raw.

Meyer is a vain, self-inserting, mormopedophile. It's a good idea that went wrong after the first sentence. I picked up that book when I heard the concept (BEFORE it got popular) and put it down the same day. Someone had to force me to read the damn thing later. I knew nothing of literature at the time - all I knew was that it sucked heavy ass. When we've got the same people who recommend The Catcher in the Rye or Harry Potter or a Clockwork Orange recommending this bullshit, I seriously fear for our future. And I may sound overdramatic with that, but I'm dead serious. Me and my few not-Twitarded friends fight HARD because that book is seriously embarrassing. I thought Sarah Dessen was bad, but Meyer is fucked in the head.
Twilight sucks more ass than a vacuum glued to JLo.

Even Robert Pattinson knows it's stupid, he's said it himself.

Stephenie Meyer is a pedophile and I hope she reads this so she'll know that we know her secret. Making kids fall in love with people that old, WHAT'S HER MOTHERFUCKIN PROBLEM?

Edward loves the whisper song because when he banged Bella, he really beat the pussy up.
by talking space monkeys August 13, 2008
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
51
A book that raises the bars of women and gets men laid less.
"My girlfriend said she wouldn't blow me unless I acted more like Edward from Twilight."
by Nicky M. January 06, 2009
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
52
Everyone seems to refer to Twilight (the people who hate it, that is) as a stupid book for teenie-boppers that makes 13 year old girls brainwashed.
And people say 13 year olds have absolutely no idea whats wrong with Twilight and that they're all stupid and don't know good literature and that the "teenie-boppers" are blind to Bella's Mary-Sueness.
Thats partially true.
1) Fuck you. I'm 13.
2) Bella is a nagging, whiny, Mary Sue who says corny things and needs to stfu already about banging Edward. All she wants is to get some. In Breaking Dawn she DID get some, and got knocked up.
Then she gave birth to the mutant, showoffy, "look at me, I'm one month old and I can speak in proper sentences!" Nessie that Jacob unfortunately has to be the soulmate of.
Edward is boring and wears khaki pants and thinks he can get away with it.
It has no morals or actual point.
The AMAZINGG ending of the AMAZING story?:
Bella becomes a vampire soccermom, Edward finally got laid, Rosalie almost killed Bella with a scalpel (too bad she didnt) and there was absolutely NO AWESOME WAR,
Seriously. I wanted a fucking war. I wanted the Volturi's limbs to be flying everywhere as the Cullens get torn apart in a tangle of Werewolves and sparkly people.
But no. Breaking Dawn was wedding, knocked up, Nessie, the end.
Also, Stephenie Meyer spoils Bella with dresses, amazing weddings, fancy food and pretty much give Stephenie Meyer whatever she wants.
LAME.
I'd write more but I need to go.
Dont give me a thumbsdown, you know its true, fangirls.
Alsooo,
STFU about this "13 year old teenie bopper"s hit.
I'm 13 and I'm not a fucking fangirl.
Twilight is amazing, somehow. I'll never let go of it. Even though I now opened my eyes to its TOTAL SUCKAGE.
Well, with Bella and Edward atleast.
The Volturi are pretty flyyyy.
by myspace.com/missmurder046 September 22, 2008
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
53
The biggest disgrace to the literacy of the entire human race to ever surface the earth.

JUST BURN IT.
Nuff said.
1. RANDOM FANGIRL: OMGOMGOMG I LUV TWILIGHT TO DEATH!1!!1! EDWARD IS LEIK SO HAWT! I WANNA HAV HIS BABIES!!!!1!!11! STEPHANIE MEYER SAVED MY LIFE!!1!!!!!!111!
RATIONAL PERSON: Please go away. You need to get a life.
by lolFritters September 18, 2009
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
54
One of the worst movies ever made about vampires which they don't even show when they suck blood, they just say that they are vampires. In this movie there is the star which his name is Edward and he sucks his father's balls. And Bella is in love with him because he is fast (The effects sucks balls), and he is strong (you can even see sometimes the string!). They're all assholes!! I really don't recommend it!!! You're gonna want to suicide if you watch this movie!!!
Edward: "Say it. Say it outloud!!"

Bella quietly saying: "You're an asshole"

Guy Watching the Movie: "OMG!! This movie sucks!!! And why is this movie called Twilight anyway?!?!?!?!?!"
by Danevati May 24, 2009
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
55
A waste of ink and paper.
OMFG, Twilight is the shizzle, LOL
by mrpittsdemeister July 13, 2009
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug
56
A horribly written, overly obsessed, stupid book that ruined vampires. Vampires should be badass people-eaters, not sparkly faggots. The only reason it's popular is because tweens discovered it and thought that's the way love is supposed to be, when it's the definition of pedophiles and stalkers. SM created this SERIES (not saga; the word saga makes it all the more horrible) because she is a fat bitch with no life and needed something to fulfill her fantasies.
OMG I LOVE TWILIGHT!
holy shit get a life
by awesomeselflover July 28, 2010
Mug icon

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug