Scientific name: Stankious Janktious Buffooneratium.
A janky, pungent waste of carbon molecules formed when a human host (generally mentally retarded or otherwise janky) is infected with a bacterial symbiote from the anhydrous planet Janky-Dell-Nokimotoranoobina. Upon contagion, the symbiote moves swiftly through the host's body, seizing control over the host's brain and reproductive organs.
Known effects on males include decreased penile stature and increased libido. Symptoms of the contagion are rarely evident in females; most are simply dormant carriers. However, cases of females showing symptoms have been documented and are most prevalent in butch females of the homosexual persuasion, or female slaves of a male of the species.
The contagion is known to cause massive hair redistribution from the scalp to other parts of the body, as well as a severe thickening of the skull. The host's eyes glaze over and the host body begins to emit a rotten smell as the decomposition of brain and muscle tissue commences.
As the symbiotes come from an anhydrous planet, they induce severe hydrophobia in the host. This causes the cessation of all hygienic rituals as performed by the host prior to infestation, contributing greatly to the smell generally associated with truckers.
Truckers are typically seen attempting to mate with a potential victim regardless of the victim's attractiveness or pungency. A trucker will do anything--including sacrificing a fellow trucker--in order to be able to attempt to insert its flaccid, wispy four-inch penis into an underage female of the host's species and make them a carrier of the contagion.
Symbiote-infested creatures typically take jobs in road freight delivery to increase the potential for future planetary domination. The trucker intentionally attempts to drive poorly, aiming to increase traffic congestion. This causes people to inadvertently hear country music emitting from truck windows for longer continuous periods than normal, which further breaks down potential hosts' brain matter, leading to a speedier infestation of the host.
Infested creatures are known to frequently dispose of their excrements in bags, jugs, and other containers. The substance is an extremely powerful neurotoxin, having an LD50 of a mere 20 nanograms. This container is then thrown out of the host’s truck and onto the highway systems of the native land, becoming a so-called "Trucker bomb." Truckers' close cousin Wetmexiback Essajanktia Beanerus, or Latino-American, later cleans the Trucker bombs from the road to be used in the preparation of a sludge called Papst Blue Ribbon. The North America Symbiotic Collective Assimilation Regime, or NASCAR, then sells this Papst Blue Ribbon to citizens of the United States and surrounding areas to further weaken their brains and make them more vulnerable to symbiotic attacks.
Fortunately, truckers are easy to spot. They are typically seen eating moon pies or beef jerky, and wearing NASCAR and/or Copenhagen clothing flannel, plaid shirts and wranglers, or sweatpants.
Truckers are huge fans of country music. This is an interesting paradox, as the creatures are unable to hear due to a waxy buildup in their ears. Top scientists studying the creatures theorize that the frequency composition of country music aids in the decomposition process of the host's brain, easing the symbiote's digestion of it.
In case of attack by a trucker, it is best to remain calm. The density of their skull renders them unable to identify body language and other sub-speech communication. However, your best weapon against a trucker is verbal expression of intelligent thought, as it will completely disable the trucker's little remaining capacity for thought and physical movement. In the event that verbal expression of intelligent thought is unavailable, high-power tasers are recommended as a sure-fire alternative. Note that low power tasers will often fail and yield no results due to the thick, greasy build-up on the bodies of most truckers, and even high power tasers must have their projectiles fired at close range (less than 5 yards).
In the near-fatal event that none of the aforementioned trucker-stopping methods are available for use, technology can serve as an effective defense. It is like kryptonite to a trucker: if you put a new, expensive, high-end electronic gadget in the vicinity of a trucker, he or she will flee in terror, not unlike as a vampire would from a garlic covered crucifix shaped bottle of Holy Water sitting in the sun.
Because truckers hate technology to such a vile extent, technology-exposed truckers will likely explode into a blind rage and attempt to kill anyone who forces said technology onto him. Technologies capable of so powerfully repelling truckers most particularly include laptops and cellular phones. But, fear not, as truckers are dim-witted and not well known for their athletic prowess. Simply recite the powers of 2 until you reach 4,096 and give him a swift kick to the right nut and he will fall like the twin towers.
Statements commonly made by truckers:
"How do I use this new fangled fone (indicating a 5 year old nokia)?"
"Where's the bathroom?" (it's 20 feet away and there's signs aplenty indicating where it is!)
Statements commonly made by non-Truckers:
"What a god damn stupid trucker."
An often picked on, misunderstood profession that's thankless, that's VERY important. Often filled with steering wheel holders who have no real talent. But those people are a minority not the majority. Some times this profession is filled with cut throat companies who under pay drivers. But the truth is nothing would be able to function normally with trucks that includes our military.
Without trucks/truckers America STOPS!
Make the CDL test HARDER and get rid of the wannabe Truckers!
Someone who drives an eighteen wheeler as a living. Often sterotyped as an awful driver, stupid, and addicted to god awful country music. They never seem to get full credit for delivering goods. The media also seems to blame accidents on them, when they are either A) Not involved with it, or B) not the cause of it, but a stupid fourwheeler, who cut in front of them. Also unfair laws, such as CARB and anti-idle, cost them money.
To all the stupid morons who spent 5 minutes plus dissing them: Like your computer? Like wiping your stupid ass with toliet paper? Like driving your car? Then appericate truck drivers, their the reason that stuff got where it is.
Random guy: Stupid trucker, almost ran me over in my little shit box car.
Me: are you sure it wasn't your stupidity for cutting in front of him, that caused this?
"A trucker is blamed for the accident, despite the fact that the car cut in front of them." Maybeline Newspaper.
CARB effing sucks.
1)one who drives a truck
2)the coolest people in the world
truckers rock. see cluck U chicken.
someone who eats anything and everything, and will not stop until all edible substances are consumed.
'omg man you eat so much, why you such a trucker'
used as a curse word to replace fuck or fucker can used along with mother or by itself liked to be used to offend lil kids or old people can be casually used at a party or on the streets easy way to curse at school without getting in trouble; very convenient
Get the truck off my lawn mother trucker!!
Shut the truck up!
Ur dumb as truck you deserve to truckin die mother trucker!!
verb: To pick up, use, and drop off.
"I need a drink. I'm about to trucker that sad, lonely loser in the corner."
to truck or carry over a long distance or on rough terrain.
trucksto truck or carry over a long distance or on rough terrain.