A townie is an English word for a person who:
1. Uses the phrase "Ya Mum" as an insult
2. Thinks that it is cool/hard to use various words beginning with F and S
3. Listens to "Phat Beats" - Blazin Squad, So Solid Crew, Jay-Z (or whatever) etc.
4. Drives a Car such as a Vauxhall Nova or Ford Escort or similar which has A body kit, lowerred suspension, large exhaust, and a huge Subwoofer in the boot to make sure that everyone can hear their "Phat Beats"
5. Has a stupid nickname such as "Jubba" or "Staples"
6. Steals mobile phones
7. Wears "Bling Threads"
8. Walks in a stupid, exaggerated way
9. Has a fundamental disability to pronounce the letter "H"
10. Smokes all the time whilst doing the above
11. Is challenged by a lack of immagination
12. Has a Helly Hansen "Puffer Jacket"
13. Has gelled blonde (dyed) hair
by Tommo August 04, 2003
Townie is a word describing a person of a sub-culture in Great Britain whose lifestyle is based on fascism, hatred and shallow-mindedness. Most grow out of being mindless during their early to mid-twenties.

Townies of both sexes are normally found in groups, loitering around town centres, as well as places that would seem odd to normal people, e.g. the parking lot of a funeral parlour, golf courses, chemists/drug stores. The loitering is a prelude to one of their hobbies which is intimidating normal humans.

Unlike decent members of society a townie, or chav, see people who look different to him or herself, as well things like culture, art, literature, education and abiding by the law, as things to be feared, hated and laughed at.

Characteristic behaviour of townies when out in public places includes riding mopeds/motor scooters with the baffles removed to create noise, spend a fortune on customizing ridiculous little cars like a Nova or Fiesta (genuine Fiesta and Nova owners excepted as their vehicle is used for transportation and not for posing), playing repetitive bass-heavy music whilst driving said customized cars (the slower the music the better. No self-respecting townie would be seen dead listening to real driving music e.g. Speed by Billy Idol, Sin by Nine Inch Nails), wearing tracksuits and football (US soccer) t-shirts with gold jewellery in abundance (no matter how expensive the clothing and accessories, they look cheap and tawdry, looking like they can’t be bothered to dress and co-ordinate their wardrobe. It’s not uncommon to hear townie girls discussing whether they should wear either their pastel pink or baby blue tracksuit to a wedding, restaurant, etc. Townies only attempt to dress up when going to townie nightclubs).

Although breeding in, and emanating from, ghettoes and slum areas of towns and cities, townies have a complete and illogical hatred of anyone who doesn't look, act and dress like them. This probably stems from their insular nature, rarely going outside of their hometown to explore the rest of the world. Lacking the I.Q. and the up-bringing to even know what manners are, let alone have manners, townies will think nothing of shouting and screaming “Grebo!” or ”Goffik!” (they are unable to pronounce 'th' and instead pronounce it ‘f’ or ‘ff’) along with numerous obscenities at people simply because their victim is a male with long hair, is a girl wearing a completely black ensemble, or wearing a t-shirt with the name of a rock band on.

Townies notoriously mispronounce words, dropping t’s and h’s. Thus “Harry” becomes “’Arry” and “Isn’t it” becomes “Innit”.

Another popular insult townies love to shout at men with long hair is “Get yer ‘air cut!” or simply “‘air cut!”

If someone should respond to an insult from a townie, the townies will respond with "Are you startin'?" (Translation - "Are you seeking physical altercation with us?"). This is truly bizarre as by shouting abuse in the first place, the townie was clearly "Startin'".

These and other insults are 99% of the time shouted from townies in gangs or from the open window of moving vehicles.

A townies' hatred of alternative music fans is similar to a Nazi, that being if you are not wearing the latest style and have the correct hair length for your gender then you are not one of them and have to be hated.

No townie has yet given a sensible, coherent, sane answer as to why they have this hatred of anyone who wants to exercise freedom and dress how they want. The most popular answer a townie will give is 'Because you got long 'air, innit!'

Townies are brave when in groups. Townies as young as nine years old have no problem swearing at and verbally abusing people 3 or even 4 times older than themselves. However, on their own a single townie will walk quickly past that very same person they attacked with their head bowed, falsely believing that everyone is as mindless and evil as they are and will gang up on them in retaliation. Goths and other alternates are mostly well educated and polite, yet another reason townies probably hate them; townies live in fear and dread of manners and education.

A townies hatred of Alternates is a primitive fear, bordering on an animals’ attack instinct to something it fears, .i.e “I am a dog, you scare me, I eat you”. Townies notoriously avoid school and education in favour roaming the streets in packs like wild dogs, preying on innocent people and attacking anyone not dressed like a townie.

The older generations of people in the UK are under the impression that these “clean, nicely-dressed youngsters” are the cream of society. Goths, punks, metal-heads, etc., however, are horrified to see a new generation of fascism whose ideals of totalitarianism and hatred of all people who dress and look different from themselves hasn't been seen since the likes of Adolf Hitler.

Alternates are seen as fair game. Even a pregnant mother was beaten up just for wearing black lace clothes and black lipstick. Townies will think nothing of verbally and physically attacking females as well as males, following them and calling them names, trying to trip them up and even going as far as slapping and punching, calling said Goth girl a prostitute, among other insults. This is a paradox as female townies dress like prostitutes from 70’s/80’s cop shows when they go out at weekends or to go shopping.

Culture-wise, townies avoid books. Reading consists of magazines (make up and latest fashion for females, cars and music sound systems for males). As far as films go, anything too intelligent (e.g. The Da Vinci Code, Bladerunner, Dune, The Shawshank Redemption) is “crap” in their eyes. The best example of this is Sin City; townies say “It’s shit, innit!” because it’s black and white. PLEASE NOTE – human fans of the following films should not be insulted, as they are seen as chewing gum for the brain by normal people but riveting by townies. Good films for townies are Romeo Must Die, The Fat Slags, Jason Vs. Freddy, etc. Music with too many lyrics is avoided, and anything that involves the artist/band knowing how to play instruments like drums and guitars is despised. Good townie music is anything repetitious with low lyric content.

A typical day for a townie is: wake up, smoke a spliff, avoid school (if of a school-attending age), wander aimlessly around town, shout abuse at anyone who isn't wearing the correct New Nazi uniform (tracksuit or designer jeans and shirt/t-shirt. NO long hair if male), vandalize public and/or private property, buy cheap cider/vodka and cigarettes or get someone to buy for them if the townies are too young to be served, breed (no matter what age they are), smoke a spliff, sleep.

It is a growing concern amongst the intelligent members of society that townies could end up making the UK as a whole a slum, their bad attitude and fascism making the country unpopular with normal humans, domestic and foreign. Fortunately, townies are rarely seen giving abuse in large cities due to the cosmopolitan nature of such metropolises. You’d never hear a townie shout “Grebo!” in Camden Town, London, England.

Townies are brave enough to shout insults at alternates in the streets, but would never have the courage to do so in a bar/nightclub frequented by alternates, e.g. Rock City in Nottingham, England.

In the original version of Dawn Of The Dead (1978), on the DVD commentary the make up artist/special effects expert tried describing Red Necks to the British audience and said 'I don't think Britain has a class of people that low!' Unfortunately, it does...

Townies hate Goths, punks, etc. because they look different to townies. Alternates hate townies because townies are fascist Nazis and believe that everyone should be allowed to live their lives without fearing attack...just for wearing black.
"My sister's boyfriend was attacked and beaten by townies because he has long hair."

"Tonight's gonna be great, innit! Get drunk, go to the club, start a fight..."

"Let's smash the windows on the bus shelter!"

"Why did I smash up that phone booth? Coz I was bored, innit!"

"Why shouldn' I throw stones at that bitch? She's a goff!"
by Fierce One May 19, 2006
Social rejects who hang around in groups of 10-50.

Males often seen wearing dirty, worn out rockport boots, burberry socks with luminous green adidas tracksuit bottoms tucked into them, a burbery cap and a nike hoodie over the top (with the hood being worn up), coated with a can of lynx. the hair is gelled into a solid quiff, normally dyed blonde.

Females vary between two types. Type one: the tramp.

The tramp wears similar clothes to the male, if not the same, except topped off with a "great value!" gold necklace from elizabeth duke at argos, often with a clown pendant. 4-16 gold creoles will also be worn in the ears, and a large tacky belly-button piercing is necessary. Type two, the tart wears the same jewelerry except adds 60 grams of orange, blue and pink make up, a pair of tight jeans with "babe" or "angel" written on the ass (only £3 from the local market) and a t-shirt with a similar phrase on it. This is topped off with a pink or baby blue caridigan with "EST 1980" or "TEAM" written across the front in huge white letters. The hair is pulled back into an abnormally tight bun which pulls their skin so much that they cant move their face, other than to chew some stolen wrigleys extra from the local corner shop (oh no sick man).

The music can vary from dance, to pop, to rnb and hip-hop eg Sean Paul, Mis-teeq, Beyonce Knowles, 50 Cent etc. Anyone who does not listen to this music is instantly labelled as a "freak". Same goes for the clothes.

To find a townie, I suggest you look in the following places: bus shelters, mcdonalds, park benches, phone boxes, outside corner shops, and anywhere is the general area of a rough council housing estate.

Communicaing with townies is often difficult considering the fake jamaican accents and unnecessary amounts of slang. Here are a few common phrases to get you started:

Fock ya mom - I have a pinner.
Mo' fockin cuzzen'll fockin batta ya - I would fight you but my 600 grams of hair gel havent dried yet.
Nah man stink - You've offended me.
Sick (pronounced sick-AH) - Word used to describe something of townie approval.

They often have nicknames such as:

Gazza
Tezza
Shaz(za)
Kez(za)

You can witness these on various lampposts and bus shelters throught Great Britain.
Townie: Oooom ya fockin lookin' at mate!!! *spits*
Innocent passer-by: I wasn't.
Townie: OH NO! Stink!
Innocent passer-by: 0o'
by ricecake January 03, 2004
Actually, townies just want to mess up with people, get in fights with their others dumb townies, smoke around, they don't even know english language, and have no future, and listen to all that kind of shit music called R'n'B Rap and others trashes more. They don't have even respect to each other in their stupi chav crew. In specially when they get in the bus. I had couple problems with townies, they are just the scum of the humanity. If you are a townie mate! You better change you way of living!
yo... le's anoi da strage guy
by GRIND777 February 19, 2005
if you are not one you will not want to be associated with one or go to places/school or anywhere else with one.
If you are one you will be so sucked into the townie subculture you will think the 'different' are evil.
real townies have warped minds, they evolved from rats basically. To put it bluntly, you wouldn't want to bump into a townie in a dark alley.

key words/things to look out for:
burberry, von dutch, vicky pollard, year 7&8&9&10&11 kids soiled in make-up and bling, clubland cd's, cigarettes, wkd, 'whatevar' 'biatch' 'schlag' 'omg feck aff'

sounds like: when you have a sweet in your mouth, don't say the end of words. so if it was walking it would be walkin'

for their ears: blazin squad, khia, dj sammy, any trancy music. look out for music with no instruments.

piercings: ears, nose

intentions: evil

sex status: washed-up

exsist in: hundreds and thousands
two townie girls at the beach pass two non-townie boys.

girl:omg look at tha minga'
girl 2: e's a goffik!!!
girl: UH lets chopse 'im
by rosella January 25, 2005
Well, lets start with the obvious shall we, a townie is from the TOWN. they have rules to which they must adhere at all times to avoid being 'fuckin' batad' by their 'cru'. contrary to popular belief, townies to do not favour buying cheap, tacky fake jewellery or 'bling' at argos, as this would be far to expensive. instead they head to the local market where they use their natural townie or chav instincts to search out and obtain the biggest knuckle duster they can find. Whilst 'daan da markit' they may also spy a rather fetching 'trackie' possibly of neon colouring and fake branding (ie. nuke, adidat etc) they will purchase this outfit and wear it, trousers being tucked into their socks. Those amongst them who dare to be different (heaven forbid) may wear, along with said tracksuit bottoms, a jacket embroidered with the words 'boston', 'babe' etc. The females of this species (origins are uncertain, although scientists are doing research) will wear their hair scraped back on their heads. It is also very likely they will have used the contents of Boots’ stock room of hairspray so not one lump or bump is visible. The males will not have this problem as they have no hair, simply a shaved head and a cap placed carefully at 90 degrees to their empty heads. (they must also have a black eye so as to gain the respec of their ‘posse’) Finally, if you are unable to spot a townie, hang around a group of mopeds and soon enough, their owners (being townies) will saunter bak, wankered on cheap cider but pretending (cuz they’re hard) that they’re sober. They will spot you and start walking over (the distinctive ‘i’ve got a shit trying to escape from my back passage’ walk) claiming they’re gonna ‘fuckin batta ya’ if you don’t move away from they’re “expensive transportation”. This is your clue to laugh and then floor them if they piss you off a bit. Or if you’re just a bit bored.
example = any loser who can't understand words with more than one syllable.
by ben dover September 29, 2004
a townie is an under-educated, brain damaged product of the welfare state who really should have been aborted at the earliest oppertunity.

Often found commiting various crimes and "'angin" around cheap discount shops and market stalls that sell fake clothing with the hideous burberry pattern.

they lack the ability to communicate in anything above "errr", "Wot" and "Nah" with the most intellegent of them someday becoming a valued member of the fast food service industry although most will end up living off the welfare state to support them and their eqaully intellectually diluted offspring's drug and fake burberry addiction.

the following solutions would render the townie an endangered species:

1: invest in a large shotgun and declare "townie hunting season" open

2: Remove state "benifit" payments from them and make them get jobs, in this case most would die off because their immense stupidity negates their chances of getting even a MacDonolds job.

3: Anyone who falls into the "townie" category should be sterillized immidiatly to stop further generations sucking money out of the economy and littering the landscape with their useless carcasses.
a "townie" most often lives on or near a council estate where the average income is based on how many drugs they can sell or bikes they can steal
by All Townies Must Die September 19, 2004
Typically white British youth that think they're "niggas", but haven't quite pulled it off right and have created a different subculture than hip hop/R&B fans in the US. Their favorite artists would be ashamed of them if they knew what they'd created. Wear Adidas and Kappa but have probably never set foot on a track in their lives.
The girl with the bleached blonde hair, the exposed fat roll between the track pants and too tight shirt saying "hottie" or "princess" or "porn star" is a townie, and much more likely to beat you up in the UK than she would be in America, where she'd probably just be called a slut or a ho.
by shiz_not March 28, 2004

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