Pastime carried out by females or males of the general public and or celebrities. The act of masturbation by a man or a woman thinking of a subject or persons being "topical"/ current i.e. in the news and or media at the time of the masturbation/wank act.
during the Wimbledon tennis tournament (2week period), if wanking in the morning, one might say:
"i woke up this morning and had a topical wank whilst thinking of Serena Williams nailing Tsvetana Pironkova with a strap on cock in a lesbian love fest.
"i bashed one out last night during the news to that Russian spy Anna Chapman. It was a deeply satisfying topical wank".
As coined by comedian, Daniel Tosh, to take a "right-on-topical" is to lead a conversation so the listener thinks it's going in one direction, and then switching it at the last second. This term can also apply to plot twists.
Did you see Shutter Island? I thought I had it figured out until the very end when the plot took a right-on-topical.
Topical Ointment Boy is an imaginary superhero invented by the famed Joe Prete. It is used in a derogatory manner to describe someone who has bad skin.
Gosh, who does Steve think he is with that creme, topical ointment boy?