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LXL Theorem 

The LXL Theorem is an advanced philosophical theorem used to differentiate texts from non texts. The LXL Theorem dictates that if one could disprove something's existence, then the non-text nature of the said item would be justified as something that does not exist could not possibly be a text. The theorem has received numerous critical acclaim due to its consistency, logical soundness and overall accuracy. Many other theorems have been derived from the LXL theorem, such as the Reverse LXL Theorem and the Inverse LXL Theorem.
"According to the LXL Theorem, this is not a text"

Chens Theorem 

"B" being the number of bowls smoked, "P" being the amount of people partaking in aforementioned smoke. Note that all bowls must satisfy MMBP(1) standards.

if "P" is greater than 4:
B is greater than or equal to 1/2(P)

if "P" is less than 4:
B is greater or equal to P

(1) MMBP: Max's Massive Bowl Protocol
Person 1: "Man im tired, we've smoked too much..."
Person 2, 3, 4 (simultaneously): " We have to keep smoking, we have not satisfied Chens theorem yet!

Yeet Theorem 

when there is a mathematical problem and there is nearly no solution to solve the problem, yeet theorem may be useful as it ignores every mathematical rules and move the symbols in the equation easily. it may be used as a reference
Show that 3^2=9
3^2
=23
Since 23 is the 9th prime number, 3^2=9 (yeet theorem)
Yeet Theorem by MarvellousAss January 14, 2020

Major Theorem 

The concept that the triangle is the most powerful element
John: Hey what did we do in math today?
Willie: We learned about the Major Theorem.
Major Theorem by cb8812 February 27, 2017

Mangolious Theorem 

The most complex equation ever devised - so powerful that it can solve any problem, providing that the correct formulee is provided. In short, the mangolious theorem is capable of solving absolutely anything - and is the answer to all questions.
The mangolious theorem is so long and complicated, that only its creater can even begin to use it.
Mangolious Theorem by Mangolious December 14, 2010

The Saneil Theorem 

For any projectile β in use in a typical gym match, involving any game with a projectile (volleyball, kickball, etc), the closer in proximity that the ball lands to Saniel, regardless of team or positive/negative effect, the more likely the situation is to go wrong and hurt the team.

See Corollary to the Saniel Theorem
The Saneil Theorem gaurantees success to anyone that hits the ball towards Saniel
The Saneil Theorem by ToshBoss January 22, 2020