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24.
Otherwise known as "The Compton of Texas", The Woodlands is the most fuckin ghetto town ever. Don't come to The Woodlands if you are not black, period. The schools are filled with drugs and guns. There are no police in The Woodlands because they are afraid of getting shot. People sleep on matresses under the windows because there are so many drive-bys.
In The Woodlands High School, LaQuincy and Jamal got in a gun fight today at school and shot each other to deaf.

D'JaLaron came out of his house to find his 1982 El Camino sittin on cinderblocks because someone stole his spinner hub caps
by D'metrius Fagg January 14, 2006
 
1.
HAHA..
You know you live in the woodlands when....
- you can valet park at the mall
- your dad makes more money in one week than your government teacher does in an entire year
- it isnt exciting anymore to pass a lamborghini, ferrari, or bentley on the road any given day
- at school you park between an h2 and an escalade
- you see about 500 bmws a day
- every girl, starting at the age of 12, has a coach purse
- your best friend's pregnant
- you've never shared a bathroom in your life
- the Texan cheerleaders perform at your high school pep rally
- you can talk to someone in Illinois and they assume that you must be rich
- nick lachey sings at your prom
- you have to ask permission to paint your house
- your high school is rated the snobbiest in America according to David Letterman
- if you have nothing to do you buy some beer and drive around
- one haircut can change your reputation
- myspace takes the place of homework
- lunch tables are individual and round
- you pay someone to hang your christmas lights and mow your lawn
- the maids come every other wednesday
- your parents own multiple houses
- you go to jamaica, thailand, spain, belize, or the bahamas on a regular basis
- you suck if you dont get a beach house for prom
- you go skiing every year
- your school field trips include New York and Europe
- deaths and car accidents are usual
- your school has more people in it than some colleges
- you have to schedule an updo appt 6 months in advance if you want someone decent
- the sports teams travel in charter buses
- parties have top shelf liquor
- you go to a theme party every weekend
- they build your own skating rink in the winter
- there are only 3 cheap stores in the whole mall (and that's for the people who come to The Woodlands to shop but aren't actually from The Woodlands)
- when you need a plain white tank top and go to Bebe first
- you spend $95 on a christmas gift for your friend
- girls have 2 boyfriends
- nothing stays a secret
- about half the kids go to church, and out of that half only 10% actually follow religion faithfully
- your jeans cost the same price as ur video ipod
- mums cost $200
- if you dont have confidence or money, you are nothing
- you take your car to Aqua every week and just let someone else clean it
- there's a starbucks on every corner
- they put a tommy bahama's in..since those are mostly at vacation destinations (look it up)
- Fleming's is the new TGI Fridays
- you drop a quarter and just leave it cuz you dont feel like bending over for it
- you cant find your bmw at the mall, because there are 55 others just like it
- you see at least one new person in school every day
- you have a personal trainer
- you have the vbest new cell phone before it even comes out
- they serve Chic-Fil-A, Pizza Hut, Quiznos, and Smoothie King in ur school cafeteria
- you go buy Chanel glasses for yourself as a pity gift because you're having a bad day
- your dog is treated better than your sister
- you have a fridge in your room so that you dont have to go alllllll the way downstairs when you want a cold bottle of water
- you have more than one closet
- you're 17 and have a plastic surgeon
- a cheap mall trip only costs $500
- your driveway is gated
- you get fined if your fence isn't the right color or height
- just about every decent concert tour comes to the pavilion
- a decent date consists of dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and a walk through Market Street
- you hear parents talk about what a great "family community" this place is, and you hear your 13 year old sister talking about how wasted she and her friends got the night before.
- your orthodontist drives a porsche, at least when he isn't driver his other cars
- your friends are all gorgeous
- your diamonds are real
- you hook up with someone and by second period the next day, the whole school knows
- you get judged right away when people know where you are from
- you live on a Jack Nicklaus golf course
- your parents buy you multiple cars before you buy your own
- you can screw off in high school and college and still get a badass job cause your dad is a corporate executive with connections
- your football team could kick many colleges' football teams
- there are kids at your high school who can score perfectly on the ACT and SAT
- making millions of dollars from hard work and/or connections isn't even that attractive, it's the power that motivates
i admit its true.. i'd know, i'm from the woodlands
by jessica sYUP December 09, 2006
 
2.
Middle Class Burb that thinks a leased BMW 3 series, and a fat mortgage on a 300k tract home makes you rich.
The Woodlands is the land of the 80k a year millionaire.
by Hunkerdown April 05, 2011
 
3.
Planned community north of Houston with strict homeowner guidelines assuring your neighbor won't paint their home purple, or pink, or some other whacko color. The residents pay LOTS of taxes to ensure it stays nice... with trees. Houston is one of the ugliest cities in America. The Woodlands is where those who care ... and can... escape from Houston. Lots of money but lots of driven people who work hard to earn their lifestyles. Ghetto? Not even close. Kids everywhere, upscale retail, fine dining, excellent public school system and a great selection of private schools from which to choose. What's not to like?
The Woodlands - Planned community north of Houston with strict homeowner guidelines.
by tailor-made June 20, 2007
 
4.
The Woodlands is a census-designated place and master-planned community located in the extraterritorial jurisdiction of Houston within Montgomery County, Texas. As of the 2000 census, the CDP had a total population of 55,649.Located about 30 miles north of Downtown Houston, The Woodlands is famous, as its name suggests, for incorporating the piney woods surrounding it with urban and suburban development. It was named one of the best master-planned communities in the country, and is one of the fastest-growing communities in Texas. The Woodlands is home to the Woodlands Town Center Improvement Distrct, a local governmental agency created by the Texas Legislature, The Woodlands Waterway, the 4 AAA Diamond Woodlands Waterway Marriott Hotel and Convention Center, the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, and The Woodlands Country Club, the only golf club in the nation to have six world-class golf courses. Almost all of the community is located in the city of Houston's extraterritorial jurisdiction (ETJ) with a small portion lies in the corporate limits of Shenandoah.The Woodlands was founded by George P. Mitchell in 1974, who changed ownership of The Woodlands in the 1990's to a joint partnership between Morgan Stanley and Crescent Real Estate Equities. In January of 2004, Crescent sold their interest in The Woodlands to the Rouse Company, a development company familiar with master-planned communities. In 2004, the Rouse Company was sold to General Growth Properties Inc., another shopping mall developer.The Woodlands is growing up as a formidable city, as many companies are moving to The Woodlands, such as Anadarko, Hewitt Associates, and Chicago Bridge & Iron. The Woodlands is located in the Conroe Independent School District, with The Woodlands High School being the primary feeder. Construction on The Woodlands College Park High School began in early 2004 and is scheduled to open in 2005. The Woodlands Town Center area includes shopping and eating facilities, plus a waterway reminiscent of San Antonio's Riverwalk. Under construction in the area are more upscale retail and restaurants, as well as several urban residential developments.
The Woodlands is better then you!
by Seth Riser September 11, 2005
 
5.
The least ghetto town in the world, The Woodlands is home to the #1 snobbiest high school in the United States, as named by Larry King himself. Despised throughout Texas for our superiority in everything except academics because the student population is mostly stoned off of their ass (all the time).
You know you live in the Woodlands when you:

Don't care about seeing Porche's anymore

Drop a quarter and don't bother picking it up

Complain about getting an '04 BMW instead of the '05 Benz that you wanted.
by skiff October 11, 2006
 
6.
I have read almost all of the posts about this place where I have lived my entire life. So here are some corrections to your "knowledge" about my home:
1. I'm not blond haired and blue eyed, and neither is at least 60% of the girls her.
2. We are not all stoned, all the time. Just because we have money doesn't mean we use drugs, although some do.
3. We have amazing achievements academically, people need to stop saying otherwise.
4. Most teenagers do not have brand new BMWs like some think, just because our parents do doesn't mean they will waste it on us.
5. Car accidents and deaths are NOT the norm, and it is very sad when that occurs.
6. Very few families own two houses. Once again, JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE MONEY DOESN'T MEAN WE JUST THROW IT AROUND WITHOUT EVEN CONSIDERING IT!!!!!!
7. People don't always cheat on there boyfriend/girlfriend and spread rumors and secrets.
8. Most high schoolers are fairly nice and hard working.
Those are just a few responses to the many people who hate the woodlands for no reason. I actually do want to leave this place once I graduate high school, but I don't hate it like people who don't know what they are talking about seem to.
Out of towner:"Everyone student in The Woodlands High School drives BMWs"
Student: "Um... I have a '97 Honda Civic, that I saved up to buy."
Out of towner: "Why? You live in The Woodlands."
Student: " THAT DOESN'T MEAN I GET EVERYTHING I WANT!!!"
by masquerade2365 December 15, 2010
 
7.
^^I don't know what they're talking about, but The Woodlands is anything but ghetto. Everyone here is a white Abercrombie & Fitch/Hollister clone who drives a BMW and carries a Dooney & Bourke bag. The girls all look the exact same. There is no origionality, individuality, or culture here at all. Get me out now.
Theres nothing to do in the Woodlands, so lets go roll in Oak Ridge.
by iRock June 26, 2006