(1 day later) Drill Instructor: "GOOD! Recruit dumbass decided to steal peanut butter from the chow hall and eat it on firewatch! Fuck the Drill Instructor right? GET THE FUCK ON THE QUARTERDECK RIGHT NOW!"
anyone: "youre the one!"
keanu: "what? why am i here?"
anyone: "cause you're the one!"
keanu: "you havent answered my question"
anyone: "i just did you fucking dipshit!"
anyone: "goddamit you're lucky you're the one cause theirs about ten billion people that want to punch your dumbass in the face"