Either one of you then pics up the tarp that is covered in Seaman and faeces and wear it like a cape and start flapping around the room, creating the illusion you are a bat.
1. When you are about to blow your load, walk away into a dark room saying nothing. Lure her into to the room, and much like Batman himself, use her fear and surroundings to stalk her until you can swoop down on her like the predator you are and the prey she is, and blow your load on her.
2. Hang from the ceiling and lure your victim...er...yea, vctim, into the room and when shes in the right position swoop down and blow your load on her.
The best way to do this is to hold her against the mattress, with one hand and (possibly using your foot for aid) pick your clothes up, off of the floor. When you think she's really feeling it, jump backwards, through the door. Put your pants on, quickly, when you land on your back, grab your shoes and get the rest of your clothes on, in the bushes.
I've done this, twice, and it always works.
By the time she gets to the door, I'm gone like a cool breeze.
I never tried it in a big house, though. Just little apartments. I can't imagine it would work, if she's got a big bedroom.