"What? Advice on hiking? Sure. If you encounter a hostile animal, cast a lulling spell and quickly leave the area. If you have no mana, pretend to be dead. Even as the animal tears into your flesh with its menacing teeth and claws, pretend to be dead. Keep pretending to be dead until you are dead. You had your chance and you blew it. Oh! And watch out for scorpions! They can teleport, spear you, and spit fire. Remember, hiking in public parks at night can be dangerous, partly because of the lack of light, and also partly because of the rapists. Don't go hiking at night without a drunken member of the opposite sex and certainly not in Central Park during Chanukah, because that’s when the freaks come out."
<throws head back; pulls imaginary chin hair while exclaiming> "OOOHHHHH ... goddammit! You Sweet Fvcking Bastard!!"