a very advisiable way to handle your problems, because no one loves you. according to maddox of www.maddox.xmission.com here are some reasons to commit suicide. in a handy checklist style of ten. if any apply to you........


1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.

2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.

3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.

4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.

5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.

6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.

7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.

8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.

9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?

10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.

Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.
maddox thinks you should commit suicide
by Johnny Richter February 20, 2005
Taking bottom position in sex with a fat chick.
(autopsy)
Detective 1: They say that his fat wife smothered him during sex.
Detective 2: But his wife did say he asked for the bottom.
Detective 1: Oh, looks like we have a suicide here.
by Joey BR September 15, 2011
the ending of someone's suffering, the person ends it themselves.
Them: Did you hear? He committed suicide!
You: Suicide isn't a crime.
by imlostandicantfindmyway December 19, 2014
A mix of multiple different soda drinks.
I had a Pepsi-Sprite Suicide last night.
by Ticamai July 31, 2009
1) The act of killing one's own self.

2) Reffering to Suicide Doors on a car: doors that open opposite to regular doors.

3) In drinking: a suicide is a drink made by mixing other drinks into one super-drink. Usually alcoholic, but not always.
1) Mary, after deciding that she has had enough of the world, commited suicide.

2) Did you see that car? It had suicide doors!

3) I invited a few friends over and we drank suicides all night long.
by Ichy June 30, 2006
A concotion made from a mix of drinks.
"We mixed pepsi, coke, rum, and strawberry juice and got one helluva suicide!"
by lilmissjessi August 08, 2003
one of the greatest things a human can do
i will commit suicide tomorrow
by q3w3e3 May 01, 2011
A suicide, despite popular belief, is when all of the soda, teas, lemonades, etc, are mixed together from any common soda fountain and drinken. As opposed to an 'attemped suicide', the suicide usually tastes like liquid strawberry sherbert.
Emily sighed and leaned against the table. "I'm beat," She told her freind Alice. "Pour me a suicide, woulld ya?"
by MercuryMadness August 18, 2008

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